Difficult Decisions at Jazzfest
Brian Ferdman
2002-04-22
It’s now April, and that means it’s time for thousands of music lovers to descend upon the city of New Orleans to take part in the annual New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival. We jamband fans are especially excited about this event because our music will be well represented during many nighttime (and early morning) marathon concerts all over town. Of course, the throngs of anal-retentive purists, who rue the day Phish was ever invited to the Festival, will tell you that the “real” Jazzfest takes place on the Fairgrounds during the day. Taking a brief look at the power-packed scheduled lineup, it’s hard to argue with them. At first glance, I’ve noticed several difficult head-to-head matchups between musical heavyweights, and the true Jazzfest dilemma is choosing which superstar or up-and-coming phenom to catch in action. As a service to you, the diligent music lover, I have outlined some of the more perplexing choices you will face at Jazzfest. 4/26 Sprint PCS/LG Mobile Phone Stage 1:30 - 2:20 Robert "Barefootin" Parker Band
w/ Oliver "Who Shot the La La" Morgan vs.
BellSouth / WWOZ Jazz Tent 1:40 - 2:30 Bonerama vs.
Native American Stage 1:30 – 2:00 Flute Interlude “The Battle of Little Bighorn” It’s a battle of pomp and circumstance versus simplicity. Surely there is no longer band name at Jazzfest than “Robert ‘Barefootin’ Parker Band with Oliver ‘Who Shot the La La’ Morgan.” I’ve never heard them play, but this huge name invokes images of showboating, sequined bowties, and a parade of dancing chimpanzees in neon green chiffon sundresses, but maybe that’s just a fantasy of mine. By contrast, I can’t imagine that you can get much simpler than “Bonerama” or “Flute Interlude.” I don’t know Bonerama, but three years of masterclasses in music theory has taught me that “Flute Interlude” will consist of an interlude with a flute. However, what really intrigues me about this matchup is Oliver Morgan’s “La La.” Did he shoot his La La after a little Bonerama? Enquiring minds want to know…
4/27 Blues Tent - 4:05 - 5:15 Roy Rogers & the Delta Rhythm Kings vs.
Congo Square Stage - 3:45 - 4:45 Mahotella Queens of South Africa
“A Royal Flush” This matchup pits Kings against Queens in a battle of the sexes for the royal throne of jazz. Of course, I’m assuming the Mahotella Queens are actually women and not just men with a curious fashion sense and a penchant for Barbara Streisand covers.
5/2 Acura Stage - 3:45 - 5:00 Gov't Mule vs.
Native American Village Stage - 4:15 – 4:30 Hawk Henries &
4:30 - 5:15 Otter Trail Singers
“Survival in the Animal Kingdom” It’s a battle of beastiality as the Mule takes on the Hawk with a little help from a few Otters. Who will reign supreme in the Animal Kingdom? My advice is to follow Clarence “Frogman” Henry around after his earlier set. Whomever he sits in with surely gets the edge. 5/3 Sheraton N.O. Fais Do-Do Stage – 12:30 – 1:20 Kim Carson & the Casualties vs.
Congo Square Stage – 12:25 – 1:15 Chucky C & Clearly Blue “A Crushing Coincidence” Call me crazy, but c’mon—this is a curious conundrum! You can’t make a crystal-clear conclusion about who to catch in this confrontation. Clearly, you should just commandeer some corn on the cob cooked in Cajun spices and crawl back and forth between the conflicting concerts. 5/4 Blues Tent - 4:25 - 5:25 Lil' Ed & the Blues Imperials vs.
Sheraton N.O. Fais Do-Do Stage - 4:30 - 5:35 Lil' Malcolm & the House Rockers “Short People Got No Reason to Live” In this world of showoffs and bigheaded buffoons, it’s not often that you find two people striving to be the least they can be, but that’s exactly the case as both Ed and Malcolm square off to see who is the “Lil’ist.” Early reports from the Lil’ Ed & the Blues Imperials tour indicate that Ed has been drinking 2 gallons of coffee per day in attempt to stunt his growth, while rumors swirl that Malcolm has refused to drink milk and is considering donating several important bones and organs in an effort to shrink his body. This war of the little giants might not be decided until a controversial late-night tossing session in a seedy bar. Rhodes Gospel Tent - 6:05 - 6:55 Watson Memorial Teaching Ministries vs.
Sprint PCS/LG Mobile Phone Stage 5:40 - 6:55 Better Than Ezra vs.
Acura Stage - 5:30 - 7:00 Jimmy Buffet & the Coral Reefer Band “The New Crusade and the Battle of Vomit” This is an interesting two-pronged matchup. First, the Rhodes Gospel Tent houses the Watson Memorial Teaching Ministries, a traditionalist group if there ever was one. However they are pitted against a group of young upstarts who feel as though they are “Better Than Ezra.” They’ll be dissing the Bible’s good prophet on the Sprint PCS/LG Mobile Phone Stage while they’ll be praising him in the Rhodes Gospel Tent. As if it’s not enough to take on God, the rebellious Better Than Ezra also picks a fight with Jimmy Buffet. Better Than Ezra’s sappy, angst-ridden lyrics and elementary chord progressions are sure to make many a listener sick to his stomach, while Jimmy Buffet and the Coral Reefer Band always attract a mammoth crowd of middle-aged weekend warriors wasted on everything short of rubbing alcohol. After a full day of alcohol abuse, the rumbling stomachs of Buffet’s bloated Baby Boomers are sure to be doing the old heave-ho, so the Fairgrounds could be a very messy place. This matchup comes down to personal choice: do you like to step in old puke or young puke?
5/5 Acura Stage – 1:30 – 2:30 Ratdog vs.
XM Satellite Radio Economy Hall Tent - 1:35 - 2:35 Greg Stafford's Jazz Hounds “Hot Diggity Dog” So who is top dog here? It’s another tough call, but it will likely depend upon whether you prefer your hotdogs with or without cheese.
Acura Stage - 3:20 - 4:55 Phil Lesh & Friends vs.
Congo Square Stage - 4:00 – 4:50 The Baha Men
“Who Let The Dead Out?” This is the big one and clearly the most difficult call of the entire festival. In one corner, you have Phil Lesh, backbone of the Grateful Dead, now reborn and taking his music to stratospheric heights in the world of improvisation. In the other corner, you have The Baha Men, creators of a moving piece of music that swept the nation and captured America’s hearts two years ago. Early reports from Phil Lesh’s camp indicate that he has been bringing back many lost gems from the 1960s and interspersing them in between meteoric half-hour stretches of St. Stephen, Dark Star, and Viola Lee Blues. However, a recent review of The Baha Men’s performance at MTV’s Spring Break No Fatties Allowed Exclusive G-string Party 2002 included this mindblowing setlist: Who Let The Dogs Out?>
The Electric Slide>
Who Let The Dogs Out?>
The Macarena>
Who Let The Dogs Out?>
The Thong Song>
Rotation Jam>
Who Let The Dogs Out? (Reprise) After this amazing 1 hour and forty-five minute set, the crowd was so exhausted that they were all found asleep when The Baha Men came up for air. Apparently, the Rotation Jam was highlighted by a sequence that showcased their musical dexterity and high school education as they all switched microphones and still remembered the complex lyrics of the song. I’m a Deadhead at heart, but if The Baha Men can make a group of drunken underage MTV harlots pass out without even having casual sex, they must be a force to be reckoned with!
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