When I was a kid I used to love fish sticks. I'd eat them at anytime day or night, with ketchup or with mustard or with tartar sauce or simply plain. I just absolutely loved fish sticks.

But I hated fish.

As I grew older I realized that fish sticks weren't the only kind of fish out there that I liked. As I became older and more courageous (and pushed harder by my mom to eat what was on my plate) I realized that there were many, many kinds of fish to be ea ten out there. Bass, pike, sunfish, trout, salmon, and catfish are just a few that I was exposed to over that time, some I liked some I didn't. And as I grew more and more and began to realize that fish sticks were at the bottom rung of good fish eatin' I noticed that the fish sticks were less and less appetizing. These days I'm not a big fish sticks fan. Don't get me wrong, I'll eat them and enjoy them as cheap and easy dinner when the funds are low for the month, but in general, if given a choice, I would pick many kinds of fish to eat over the sticks 9 times out of 10. I've just learned that they really aren't that good, but without having experienced them I never would have been lead to the good eatin' fish. Music is much the same way.

To me its always interesting see how ones tastes have grown and developed throughout the years. Whether its eating habits, musical tastes or favorite clothes we are constantly changing and redirecting our interests into new areas. Last month Sara Jacks on made some interesting points in her column in "Inaudible Hiss" about her experience taking her younger sister to see the Backstreet Boys a while back in Atlanta. In her column Sara realized that the look of joy and excitement on her sisters face while seeing the Backstreet Boys reflected her own when she first saw George Michael as a youngster, her first concert. Sure, the Backstreet Boys aren't the most inspired of musicians, but they still can touch people in ways that will forever change them. He r column inspired me to look back on my own musical development and ask myself a few questions: how did I get to where I am now?

My first show was Poison in 1987: yes, the hair band Poison. In about the 5th grade I really started getting into MTV and the Glam metal scene of the time. Recently, I was out with some friends and one (a hardcore head) scoffed when I told them my firs t show was poison. I asked why the scoff and he said he'd be embarrassed to let people know that my first show was Poison. I on the other hand viewed it as something to be proud of. Sure, Poison sucks and I haven't listened to them in years, but I can say that if a Poison song comes on the radio or I hear it elsewhere I know I'll find myself knowing the words and possibly (GASP!) singing along. Should I be ashamed? No, I'm actually proud of my old love affair with Poison (among others such as Motley Crue, Skid Row, Ozzy, Mettalica, etc.). This was the genre that turned me on to rock and roll.

I remember as a youngster watching MTV in fascination and amazement to the rockers on the screen, living the life of the rock star with the party's, life on the road, the girls. These were the dreams of a prepubescent boy come true! Granted the music w asn't really that good but to me it was an introduction to a whole new world. Before then the only music I really knew were the popular ones you couldn't avoid (Michael Jackson, Madonna, etc.) either because of the radio or because my sisters bought the albums and played them endlessly. But the hair bands were the first ones that really blew my lid and made me seek out others like them. And in seventh grade I was more than thrilled when my father, constantly harassed by to get tickets, took me to my fi rst concert: Poison. I loved it so much and was blown away by the whole experience that they were also my second concert, as I caught them again a year later (again with dad!). And thus the long road of musical exploration began: this was just the fir st step.

For a few years I stuck to the hair metal bands I saw on MTV and heard on the radio. Headbangers Ball was prime-time entertainment to a 13 year old boy on a Saturday night. Then as I was introduced to more and more through friends, MTV, and the radio, a mong others, I found myself constantly searching for that new band that caught my energy in a bottle. Poison lead to Motley Crue and to Skid Row to Led Zeppelin to the Doors to the Beatles to the Sex Pistols to the Beastie Boys to the Pixies to the Eagl es to Queen to de la Soul to Tribe Called Quest to Public Enemy to Sugar to Bob Dylan to Grateful dead to the Allman's to Grand Funk to Nirvana to Pearl Jam to Mudhoney to the Pumpkins to Dave Mathews to Phish to Stringcheese to Beck to Coltrane to Muddy Waters to Robert Johnson to Leo Kottke to Miles Davis to Hank Williams to Johnny Cash to Beethoven to Stravinsky to Mozart and beyond. The cycle was endless and still goes on today. An infinite parade of musical styles and variety all attracting me for different reasons.

But it all started because I fell in love with the cheesy of cheesy, the hairy of hairy, the crusted makeup and songs about chicks and parties: all because I loved Poison.

Sometimes I wonder if had I not ever liked Poison and had liked some other band or style of music would I still be listening to the bands I do? Would I have seen or even heard of the Grateful Dead, a band that blew my mind once again and changed my entir e perspective? Or even worse what if I had not gotten into any music at all and had instead fallen in love with ceramics or sewing or rugby would I even be listening at all today?

Music always has and always will play a very prominent roll in my life. I consider myself a connoisseur of sorts, interested in anything that produces melody and rhythm. My interest these days lies mainly in live music in the realm of jam, jazz, blues, rock, funk, etc. With 17 Phish shows under my belt, 3 Dead shows, a tour with Furthur, innumerable nights spent on the south side of Chicago at the Checkerboard Lounge (43rd and MLK!) grinding to urban blues, or swinging uptown at the Green Mill with t he floaty jazz that simmers in that place, to the numerous shows I've seen and been introduced to out here on the west coast (Galactic, Steve Kimock Band, Stringcheese, Karl Denson): its an endless parade of music and personalilty, all drawing me for dif ferent reasons. But at the heart of it all lies the same thing: a desire to blow my lid, to be exposed to something new that changes the way I feel about myself, life, and the energy around me, a desire to be moved from within.

The spirit is still there and always will be.

I laugh when I hear Poison and I smile. Just recently while sitting at home on the couch with my roomies watching VH-1 the Poison behind the music was on. They all groaned and asked that I change the channel. But I didn't because as I sat and watched I felt like a 12 year old again. The same feelings of excitement and wonder came rushing through me. It is the same feeling I've gotten when I met Phish in Europe in '97 and when I saw Bob Weir from the 2nd row in '96 and when I saw Stringcheese in Eugen e in '00. I still love Poison, not for their music but for what they opened me up to: a whole world of musical expression in which one can swim and lose themselves in a million and a half different ways. For that I thank them and am proud to say my firs t two concerts ever were Poison, for they changed me in ways that will forever affect me. And every time I see a new show that stirs emotion in my soul I will think of them, if ever so briefly.

So Brett, C.C., Bobby, and Rikki, thanks. I wouldn't be the same without you.