Rock and Hair.

It's April and that means a lot to me, and no I don't mean taxes, yet even that has new connotations. For me April means the 3rd Annual Nowhere X Nowhere, featuring 150 Bands, and many of the hottest Jambands around. April means the 9th Annual Hump Day in the Park, with 100 bands a season. April means I turn 39 and face certain pitstops along the road of getting older. But this isn't really what I wanted to talk about this month, I want to address the subject of "hair."

I got the third haircut I've had in 13 years the other day. I squirmed in my seat like an eight-year-old boy, desperately wanting the whole affair to be over. Here then is transcript of that hair session that I like to call: Nightmare on Hair Street. (I'll refer to the hairstylist as DD, as she is quite a lovely girl and put up with my abject horror rather well)

DD- "What kind of cut would you like."
DNA- "Try not to make me look like a dork. But you might have trouble with that request as I think it's permanent, so just make me look like a rock star."
DD- "I'll see what I can do."
DNA- "Sorry, it's just this is my third haircut in 13 years and I'm a bit touchy." DD- "Cranky, eh?"
DNA- "Yup."
DD- "So what's the hair story?"
DNA- "Had a batch of dreads for about five years but they didn't grow in quite right, I looked less like Bob Marley and more like a scoundrel and so planted the crop under and started anew. The last batch was about eight years old, and they were cool looking but I had been called Rasta Brother or Scumbag so many endless times that I felt that I just needed to blend for a while."
DD- "Conformed under pressure."
DNA- "I suppose, though I don't really see it that way. Hair is so funny. You really don't even see your own hair at all. Maybe a couple of minutes a day, unless you're a mirror freak and I'm no mirror freak. I believe mirrors are evil, reflecting back a Bizzarro world of reverse images on slightly contoured surfaces giving us the impression of being in a fun house."
DD- "Unh huh."
DNA- "So who is our hair really for anyway. Isn't it just for the mating dance to ruffle up and impress your partner with? Isn't it just an extension of the image that we wish to project? Isn't it just one more piece of the façade that this world of illusion floats on?
DD- "Should I keep the length?"
DNA- "I like the length. But do you hear me?"
DD- "Oh, I hear you alright."
DNA- "Like for instance, with my dreads, people would invariably ask me for weed or for doses. No matter what my opinion is on weed and doses, I don't think being an advertisement for them is too good in a police state, unless you're a dealer, but even then its more reason to cut your hair."
DD- "So all this is your rationalization for cutting your hair."
DNA- "No, no. I have a point. So, with my Dreads it's Rasta Brother this, Rasta Brother that. I've got to say that while there is a certain mystique associated with dreads, on white guys, it's never really taken too seriously by the other 97% of the country."
DD- "So you want to be taken seriously?"
DNA- "I don't really care, I just want to have a fair shake. Because now with my short hair, the Hippies I see on the street, think I'm a square and try to spare change me, the Rastas give me zero knowing looks, but to everyone else I just blend."
DD- "And you like to blend?"
DNA- "Blending isn't so bad, I can be more effective in being subversive by blending, because people aren't expecting something weird, but with dreads it's like, "oh look, here we go now, hide your rolling papers.' I guess part of what I'm saying is that for me, all the change that I have experienced has been from other people. Even those that preach the "one love" philosophy really pass immediate judgement on the way people look. Cuz, I'm still me, no matter what my hair looks like."
DD- "Yup, you are still you. Do you use pomade or gelling cream?"
DNA- "Whoa, I haven't even owned a brush since the early eighties."
DD- "Alright, I'll take it easy on you this time. You're done."

And so sport fans, next time you see that short-haired weirdo approaching ya, take a good look, cuz it just might be me. Your jamband coming through Northern California this summer and want to play a really cool FREE outdoor concert series? Write me at DNA@shocking.com