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On Shows Not Seen

by Ben Cohen

I haven’t seen the best shows of my generation, and so I can’t say if they were destroyed by madness, starving naked hysterical. Mine is a tale of sustained heartbreak and poor luck. I’ve missed most of the best shows of the last eight years or so, and missed even more of the worst shows. When I hear someone qualifying their concert review by saying it was "definitely in the top ten of the 58 I saw this year" I wince. My concert reviews come with the caveat that of all the shows I didn’t see, this one was the best. They are reviewed based solely on tapes, the boots. Like negative space, or anti-matter, so goes the show not seen.

As for most fans, these shows don’t exist for me, except as a secondary source. It seems I could, with enough effort, become as versed in Glenn Miller’s tour of ’40 as I am with last years Island Tour. (Of those four shows, I was able to miss all four. And 4/3 Set I was awesome. You should’ ve been there.) I am a chronic show misser. But, I am also a serious fan of all music and would love to see every show I could. Alas, I don’t. The phenomenon spans time and space. And band.

When I was I high school I had tickets to see KISS at the Cap Center, but couldn’t go because I didn’t have a car and nobody else wanted to go. When I was in college I had tickets to see the Black Crowes, but the car broke down on the way to the show (in Charlotte) and we spent the evening listening to The Southern Harmony and Musical Companion on tape, while lounging on a guardrail of I-77. And those were before the days when I would call myself "into" music.

In fact, let’s roll through a short list of my major disappointments:

Band	Show Missed	Why
Phish	1984-1992 (all of them)	didn't know they existed
Grateful Dead	1991	stayed in the parking lot, didn't get a miracle
Black Crowes	1992	car broke down on the way
Widespread Panic	1993	conflicted with a final exam
Black Crowes	1994	family illness prevented attendance
Dave Matthews	1994	lost my ticket in the parking lot
Black Crowes	1995	show was cancelled
Jon Spencer Blues	1996	opening band was so bad, I couldn't stand it and left
Phish	1997 (4 shows)	had to move (did see 6)
Phish	1998 (9 shows)	pipe dream from the get-go (did see 5)
Black Crowes	1998	gave up trying to see them, defeated
moe.	1999	couldn't get a ticket, though I drove 2 hours thinking I could
Disco Biscuits	1999 (2 shows)	had to move again

I remember fondly most of the shows I didn’t see. They were all great shows. I have a lot of them on tape. I’ve learned all of the intricacies of the good shows, the cool segues, the teases, nuances, and surprises. (That Sneakin’ Sally bust out at 12/30/97 was unreal! But I could sense it coming a few songs before.) What I can’t do is explain the atmosphere or the parking lot scene or the shaking and grooving of those crazy kids down on the floor. (Unless I assume they are always the same, which could be fair.) As a chronic show misser, I’m something of a meta-fan: intense about music, scrupulous in taste, yet absent from the actual performance. I know there are lots of meta-fans out there. Help me.

Back in ’95 I struggled to explain to a friend why I hadn’t gone to Chicago for the Halloween show. I heard all about Quadrophenia the next day. I had friends who went. It was a great show. I missed it. And that New Years Eve? Where was I? I don’t really remember exactly, but I know I wasn’t at the Garden in New York. Another great show. I missed it.

I know all the subtleties of the Roxy shows in Atlanta, especially 2/20/93. It was amazing how the crowd went almost numb from the incredible artistry that night. Everybody was so overwhelmed by the power. It was a remarkable night. I could have gone. But I wasn’t there. I, of course, have the tapes. Digital audience, third generation, if anybody wants it. Damn, what a great show! I missed it.

I spent nearly two months at the end of ’96 trying to get those damn Fleet Center New Years Eve tickets. I managed to get tix for 12/30, and I _did_ go to that show. And it was great. And the show I didn't see, it was great too. You should've been there. I pleaded and pleaded and pleaded for a miracle the entire afternoon of an 8° Boston New Years Eve Day, but got nothing. It wasn't meant to be. It was great to be right there up front during Bohemian Rhapsody, watching the choir, checking out Mike and Trey, just feet away - which I wasn't.

I heard about a String Cheese Incident show about a week after it happened, a few months back. I found out about a Government Mule concert too late as well. Hell, I've never even heard them, but through secondary sources. Even so, I’d recommend them to those who ask. Ya gotta see ‘em. That show was awesome. (Though, you understand, I didn’t actually see it.) I planned to see the Grey Boy All-Stars a while back, but, somehow, it just didn't pan out. Allman Brothers? Nope.

In fairness to myself, I can't hold it against me for not seeing shows that occurred before my time. I _did_ see R.E.M. in '95. Sucked. I should’ve seen them in '85. That tour they did back then was incredible. Just ask me, I wasn't there. I never did see Zeppelin; too young. I haven't seen Dylan; not accessible. Haven't seen The Who, The Stones, or Pink Floyd. Every show of theirs that I haven't seen was amazing.

You know, I have seen Phish about twenty times, and I did catch a dozen or so Dead shows. I do get to smaller venues occasionally for some of the newer guys. I try to know what I'm talking about. I love these guys. I'm kinda "in" the scene. But, on the flip side, I can’t help but mourn for the whatever thousand Dead shows I didn't see and the thousand Phish shows I didn't see. That Aquarium Rescue Unit show I passed up to save 8 dollars; the chance I blew to see Derek Trucks; last years Hookahville; The Fiji Mariners in '95; seeing Medeski, Martin, and Wood one day, but skipping them the next: these shows not seen are the wounds I tend to daily. And no, that one Santana show with Rusted Root two summers ago doesn't quite make up for it.

Music is great, still my favorite metaphor for life. Intense, spiritual, diverse and unique, narrow, focused and abstract, ethereal and ephemeral, cacophonous and diaphanous, momentous and epiphanous! That’s all the shows not seen! I love them all. Foul temptresses, teasing me with their existence! I wouldn't miss them a second time for the world.

I have a feeling that the greatest, all time best, most incredible concert to ever be performed that I won't see, is still to come. Almost every day, and at least every week, I miss a great show. Those were some shows (that I didn't see). Last weekend there was a great Disco Biscuits show in Ann Arbor. Those guys really know how to play their instruments. They deserve the print they're getting. Yeah, I wasn't there. The chronic show misser does not betray himself. I must cope.

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Cohen is a writer living in oblivion. He plans to attend 11 Phish shows this summer, but will only actually get to one or two.