by Jeff Larson

Oh what to do, what to do? So many choices in life. So easy to get caught up in the flow. So many streams. So many careers. So many places to live. So many bands to see. Just too many. What to do?

I've always been the conservative one. I stay home, don't venture. I stay faithful to my wife and daughter. The choices I make continually make it harder for me to not stay home. Yet, what to do?

Should I go on tour with Phish and leave all behind? Should I join a band and go on tour and leave all behind? Should I stay home and go inward and leave all behind? Should I keep all I have close and savor it and appreciate it?

I just received an email that described Dalai Lama's Instructions For Life. Yay, an affirmation that my life choices may not have been so wrong. Take risk -> lose. Take big risk -> lose big. Take another risk -> win, but what actually was won and at what cost? I think the Dalai Lama is trying to say that rising to the top of the pyramid at any cost is not necessarily fulfilling, even though it seems to be the approach most folks are taking nowadays. My approach is, be kind to yourself and be happy. This will lead to you being kind to others and you achieving "success". Being happy is my definition of success. Every moment can be lived to the fullest. Remember that whoever you are, whether you are rich, a powerful executive, famous, just damn good looking, whatever, you only have a short series of moments in life when you step back and look at it. You have enough moments, however, and the ones you have are rightfully yours. They are a gift, and what you do with the gift is yet another gift, choice. You can choose to be happy. You can choose to be sidetracked from happiness by an insatiable desire to succeed. But if you enjoy the journey, regardless of the outcome you can achieve happiness. And regardless of the choices you make, please be aware that you have them. Don't squander your gift of choice. Hopefully you will choose to be happy. That would make me happier.;)

I am happy at Phish shows. I especially like it when the band comes on ;'). I am less happy in traffic jams, standing in line, being hassled by the law, driving while fighting sleep. Oh yes, and there's the parking lots. Hmmm, I think I am happy there too, especially if there is a good band playing that I haven't seen before. Or a phat drum circle. Or if I run into friends. Yea, the lot is a microcosm of this big party called life. If you're happy and spread kind vibe, and everyone else around you does the same, then things can only get better. Bring in negativity, unhappy vibe, angst, bitterness, and it will rub off onto the others around you. After enough of that snowballs into an unstoppable downward spiral, and the scene goes to hell. Literally.

If you're in the lot and someone is exhibiting a strong negative vibe, approach that person, contain them by giving them your gold (your attention and kind vibe). It will rub off. Kind vibe begets kind vibe. Miracle Your Scene Today! (MYST - hey maybe I'll make a sign!)

So maybe I will fall off the edge, spend my time following my bliss. What do you think? Is the grass really greener? Will I become jaded and decide that they aren't playing well this tour, and spend my time being unhappy and immersed in the down of it? Or will I find absolute bliss, more than I could imagine? Will I not focus on the notes, my seats, the song selection, the physical, mortal trappings? Maybe I should just do it - go on tour - sell food - party down - find a new myself. For I am a wanderer (sagittarian), and want nothing more than a nomadic, existential, purposeful existence. But wait, when I go off the edge, how will I get back? OK, maybe I'll stay in my little hole and be safe. After all, I am happy (did I mention that), and part of my happiness is derived from the security of knowing that tomorrow won't be hell. Here I go, painting myself into a corner again, I'm not going anywhere and I know it! But that's OK because I have choice and I have considered my options carefully and chosen the correct path. Yes.

Wait a minute, is this all just a big rationalization for the inherent mediocrity of my life! No, no, no, I am happy. That's right, I forgot.

Jeff Larson plays guitar in the band Ol' Brown Show. More info on the group is available at www.olbrownshoe.com.