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Columns > David Steinberg - Some Are Mathematicians

Published: 2005/09/08
by David Steinberg

Death of a City?

ARIES (March 21st-April 19th): You always need to stand out among the ordinary masses and this month is no different. Show your originality in many heady ways. If someone needs to find you in the lots, they just need to look for the car with the cat leashed up instead of a dog.

TAURUS (April 20th-May 20th): Summer is starting to fade away like your sweet memories of Phish tour. Although you might find yourself being the annoying person who talks and yells over the music at the show much of the time these days, things should begin to become as mellow as a Wading in the Velvet Sea encore in the near future. You better grease it up and dank it down.

GEMINI (May 21st-June 20th): Your waist line is getting heavier than two jazz guys discussing the pros and cons of lydian, pentatonic, and dorian scales. You better chill on chowing down the greasy fast food schlock. It’s tough to maintain a good diet on the road, but it is possible with a little effort.

CANCER (June 21st-July 22nd): This month is more sedate than a sloth on Valium. You've been chanting your peaceful mantra the last few weeks and it is finally paying off. You're so mellow, man. This makes it an especially good time to sit back, have a delicious Porter, and check out Perpetual Groove. P-Groove will take you on a musical trip that will further your pleasure.

LEO (July 23rd-August23rd): In the midst of the summer heat, you might be feeling cold towards some of your brother and sisters. Fight that dark, twisted, evil, Umphrey’s McGee jam of an attitude with some lighter and bouncier hippie-music fare. Maybe throw some Keller Williams on and gyrate happily while singing about kidneys and teeth. Don’t forget your hula hoop.

VIRGO (August 24th-September 23rd): You often think of yourself as being on the cutting edge. Your sick extra-sensory perceptions have amazed people time and time again. Align your mental powers so that you might be able to withstand the indescribable sound barrage that is Jacob Fred Jazz Odyssey. These guys are on the cutting edge of improvisational music.

LIBRA (September 24th-October 23rd): Like many of the bands in the jamband scene, you seem to be working very hard for very little recognition. You try so hard at "the daily work thing," but seem to get nowhere. You might as well take a break and see the Yonder Mountain String Band. Their fiddles and such have you twirling around wondering why you even tried to do that 9 to 5 crap, anyway.

SCORPIO (October 24th-November 21st): Hopefully this has been a summer of love for you. The romance thing should be raging as hard as some serious wooks schwillin’ beers and jammin’ to tunes in the lot. With no fear and/or loathing around you at all, float happily on warm summer cloud. And while you’re up there, you might as well make plans to catch a show or two with the freaky Seattle saxophonist Skerik. He seems to be everywhere these days.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22nd-December 21st): Easy, now. Slow it down, man. Things have been pretty agro for you lately. Instead of seeing more hard rocking jam bands yet again this month, try out something new. Jack Johnson’s one man acoustic show may be the mellow direction in which your sandaled feet have been yearning to take you for quite some time now.

CAPRICORN (December 22nd-January 20th): You must lay low the first part of the month. Since you are a master of the tie-dye, the best place to lay low is at the Dark Star Orchestra concert where lots of other tie-dye clad freaks will surely sway and jive together. After enjoying DSO's satisfying rendition of an actual Dead show, you turn into a lizard. Then, with your little clingy lizard feet, you climb up onto a rock and lie in the sun.

AQUARIUS (January 21st-February 18th): Be kind to strangers because you just may be someone’s unexpected guest soon. And guess what? That guest will take you out to see their favorite band, Moses Guest. Although you would have never guessed, these southern rockers will make you feel like their own personal guest with their well-written songs and quality musicianship.

PISCES (February 19th-March 20th): Sometimes you need to be alone, brah. As a social person who likes to hang with tons of friends, this is a serious revelation to you. Explore your inner-space and determine what your psyche is communicating to you. Check out Stanton Moore at a Garage A Trois show for a cosmic boost as he explores a jazzier style of drumming.

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