April The First
Hey, it’s April One…
Here are a few more special 4/1 news reports from over the years (Yes, “Keller Williams To Break Up” all started here)...
Vivid Entertainment Sues Phish for Trademark Infringement Over Super Ball IX (2011)
Just one day after Phish formally announced its Super Ball IX festival, Vivid Entertainment has stepped in with a lawsuit that just may halt the proceedings. Vivid, the world’s largest adult video producer is claiming trademark infringement in the use of the name Super Ball IX. A Vivid representative explained, “We own the Super Ball franchise. That’s what made Arnold Schwarzenpecker a household name. The series is critically acclaimed, it’s his West Wing. Once we added his challenged sidekick, Wee Willie Winkie, it’s been nothing but glory, from Super Ball I on through Super Ball XXX. To be honest, we gave Phish a pass back in 96 with The Clifford Ball. We had registered the mark and were knee-deep in negotiations with both Cheers actor John Ratzenberger and a big red dog but that all fell apart, so we just let it go. Not again. It may surprise you but I promise, we are not going down easy on this one.”
Ryan Adams To Tour Without Ryan Adams (2009)
In a not-altogether startling development, Ryan Adams has announced that starting in June, he will begin touring without Ryan Adams. The musician hailed the virtues of this arrangement which he has described as a logical creative progression via Twitter. Over the course of a half hour last evening, Adams detailed his upcoming plans in a short burst of 5,253 tweets.
Adams acknowledged that this may complicate matters for his new wife and future tour mate Mandy Moore (wherefore art thou, Juliana Hatfield?). However, he has pledged to make it up to her immediately, as over the weekend Adams and his new bride will enter the studio to interpret the material on Gregg Allman and Chers 1977 release Two The Hard Way. “Mandy is my hummingbird in a flock of falsetto seagulls,” Adams added on his blog. “She is the Rose to my garden, the Eve to my Adam, the Ryan Adams to my Cardinals.”
The Disco Biscuits Plot Carbon Positive Tour (2008)
Going against the current as always, The Disco Biscuits have confirmed that their upcoming summer tour will be an entirely carbon positive affair. For the extended outing, which will zig-zag the country twice, the group has rented four new buses and an 18 wheeler to allow each band member to travel in style. Between festival dates, the group will fly from gig to gig. The summer jaunt, dubbed the Hot Air Balloon Tour in honor of the band’s beloved song cycle, will live up to its name, with a spirited helium release in each city. No proceeds from any show will go towards purchasing renewable energy credits but portions will fund the Biscuits ongoing efforts to beautify the world’s wildlife by supplying aerosol-dispensed hairspray to needy mammals via its five cans per marmoset campaign.
The Brown Apple Music & Arts Festival (2006)
Over three of Pittsburghs premiere music venues are coming together next weekend to host the inaugural Brown Apple Music & Arts Festival, the biggest celebration of pollution on the east coast in 2006. In addition to live music, the Friends of the Exxon Valdez will present a number of kids programs, including the Sludgy Animal Jamboree. Other events include a musical tribute to Ron McKernan and the debut of the interactive Three Mile Island Island Thrill ride. The Brown Apple Music & Arts Festival is sponsored by Hummer.
Nothing Happening With Warren Haynes (2005)
In a startling turn of events, Warren Haynes has announced that this coming Sunday he is going to take it easy, maybe check out a movie. Haynes is currently in Europe with Gov’t Mule for a relaxing tour following the Allman Brothers Band Beacon run. Upon returning to America he will fly to Tennessee to open a U.S Mule tour before traveling to California for the first leg of the summer Allman Brothers Band tour which will dovetail nicely with his solo acoustic dates which will bisect the Summer Mule Tour in between legs of the ABB Tour. As for this Sunday’s itinerary, Haynes explains, “It’s up in the air. (Guitar tech Brian) Farmer tells me that Miss Congeniality 2 is super cool. After that I’ll probably do some busking, hit the studio for a quick recording session, sit in with Cosmonauti, busk a bit more and call a rehearsal.”
Wetlands Preserve to Re-Open; Slight Name Change Necessitated by Economic Climate (2003)
New Yorks Wetlands Preserve will re-open next month, more than a year and a half after its landlord forced the venue to close its doors in order to ‘Make Way for Condos’ (soon to be a beloved childrens story). Owner Peter Shapiro’s ongoing efforts in the film world caused him to sell his interest in the club to former daytime television host Herschel Krustofsky who promptly cited ‘economic necessity’ and rechristened it the Verizon Wireless Tweeter Wetlands Center Presented by TDK. Tickets to forthcoming shows will carry a $1.50 facilities fee along with a $2.50 parking charge. When reminded that there is no lot or garage affiliated with the club, Krustofsky responded, “Who said there was?” He also suggested that the new name may be a bit unwieldy, so “we may have to drop the word Wetlands. But other than that nothing will change, it’s all about the vibe. Oh yes and be sure to mention that the vibe will be enhanced by Microsofts Windows XP.”
Keller Williams To Break Up (2001)
Keller Williams has decided to part ways, with a final performance expected at the Bonnaroo Music festival. While it’s unclear where the separation will take place, many anticipate a dorsal division. No statement has been released on the cause of the break-up, although many point to the classic right brain/left brain conflict as well as an inability to wrest kellerwilliams.com from a real estate company.