The below is a partial transcript of "Where's the Duckies?" This show will be aired on March 17th on The Waterfowl Channel.

(Theme music): Oh where oh where have our duckies gone?
Oh where oh where could they be?

(Announcer voice over): Welcome to "Where's the Duckies?" And here's your host, Nona Quackenbush.

(Applause)

Nona: Hi and welcome to "Where's the Duckies?" Without further ado, I'd like to bring on our first guest. She's renown across lakes and streams everywhere for her famous series of duck pictures. It's Erica Lynn Gruenberg.

(Applause mixed in with occasional wild cheering.)
(Erica Lynn and Nona shake hands, and Erica Lynn sits down on the couch.)

Nona: I just want to thank you for coming onto our show today.

Erica Lynn: I'm honored to be here.

Nona: Well first thing, we want to show a clip of your upcoming movie if that's alright. It's called "On the Waterfront (With Duckies)." In this scene you star opposite ex-President Mallard Fillmore.

clip plays:

Erica Lynn (mumbling): I could've been a contender. I could've been somebody.

Mallard: Quack.

end of clip, applause

Nona: Tell me, what was like like working with Mallard... are those rumors true?

Erica Lynn: Actually no. Not once during the entire shooting did I see him begging for little pieces of bread. He has kicked the habit. Not even a taunting pack of 8 year olds with a loaf of Wonder Bread could get him back on the wagon.

Nona: That's great news!

Applause

Nona: So what was the weirdest thing that happened to you on the set?

Erica Lynn: In mid Feburary, I was sitting down to write my column, when I heard a loud noise. It sounded like an agitated goose of some sort, so I went to investigate. Three men with sharpened sticks were attacking a mother. They were going after her ducklings, and she was putting her body in the way of their attacks. She was starting to bleed, so I rushed in.

"Hey! Get away from those duckies!"

"Who is that?" asked the leader of the men. "I don't know," said another, "but we better get her before she can see our faces."

They turned and threw their sticks at me. I was in a lot of pain, but my reward was seeing the goose escape with her kids before I fainted. I was in the hospital for a week recovering. The only thing I regret is that Dean and David didn't know why I was late with my column. They thought I was slacking and (begins to cry) I want them to know... that I would... NEVER.. (blows nose)... EVER... be late with my Jambands column if I could POSSIBLE av... avoid it. It means SOOOOO much to me...

(bursts into uncontrollable sobbing).

Nona: Well we better break for a commercial. When we come back, we'll discuss her plans for her new movie, "Sleepless in Seattle (Because Those Ducks Just Won't Stop Quacking Outside My Window)."