I better start from our childhood, otherwise you just won't quite understand. Rachel is four years younger than me, and we have always been close, but more on a family level, not exactly a friendship, regardless of this we have always had a strong bond and great deal of love for each other.

To me the story really gets going when I was ten or so, (making Rachel six.) Mom came home, walking up from the garage, and called us to the table. Now I knew it was bad, really bad, just by the aura that hung around my mother. And sure enough the words came from her mouth, "Daddy has passed away." Now to speed things up I lost it, I cried and yelled, I screamed at the top of my lungs, "NOOOOOOOOO!" I became angry; I lost faith in god, and concluded that life sucks. All in all I think I reacted, as I should have in a basically healthy, very upset, depressed, furious, but nonetheless natural way.

As for my sister, well it wasn't quite that simple. Rachel got up from the table and went back upstairs to play dolls. I didn't see a drop of water from her eyes, I didn't hear one shriek. Rachel was too young to comprehend what had happened. I remember sitting on the kitchen floor playing with my matchbox cars a couple of weeks or a month later while my mom and sister sat at the same kitchen table when Rachel asked, "Mommy, when is daddy coming home?" This basically set the scene for our childhood, and adolescent years. I was loud, emotional, expressive, crying out for attention. Rachel climbed inside herself, constantly mixing mortar to build an impenetrable fortress of solitude. The tears rarely leaked out, as she became void of emotions, climbing deeper into herself.

As we continued to mature and grow we perpetuated these deep-rooted systems of dealing with life. I went on to high school where I became a sports freak. I was captain of my football and basketball teams. I was outspoken, dated the pretty girls and although I was self-conscious and didn't believe it at the time, I was popular.

Rachel went the other way; she put on a lot of weight, common for introverted semi depressed people. We were forced to move for financial reasons a couple of times and Rachel continued to have a fairly miserable time growing up. Being overweight in America is like some kind of social disease. She was made fun of, and continued to delve deeper into herself.

I was self-absorbed, and trying to plot my own path through the teenage years, but I watched as my little sister suffered. She tried sports, wasn't for her, she tried drama, too self-conscious to perform in front of people. She did O.K. at school, but constantly felt like an outsider, never making a 'best friend' always sitting on the sidelines.

As I entered college I began to change drastically. I did a 180, I went from jock boy, to 'hippie Phish head' in two years. As I began to leave the locker rooms, and testosterone filled gyms I began to see the bigger picture. I hung up my cleats and put on my dancing shoes. I stopped obsessing about winning and beating the other guy. I started to loose my competitive edge, and developed my love. Love of life, love of people, love of music.

I became so much happier. I met friends that have lasted the test of time and distance. I connected with people from all walks of life, and shared the amazing transcendent experience known as a show.

I remember my sister and mother asking why I would want to see the same band over and over again. Why I would spend all my time and money chasing a band around the country.

As my visions of the world blossomed I knew that I wanted to bring joy to my sisters life. I couldn't stand to see her stuck in the gloom of day-to-day high school existence. I began to turn her on to music.

She was already headed in the right direction, listening to U2, Led Zeppelin, Bob Dylan, and Janis Joplin along with the Indigo Girls, and some more commercially accepted 'pop music.' And I felt it was my job to show her the ropes. She was listening to some Phish and Grateful Dead, seeing as how her brother was obsessed with them, but she wasn't ready to wrap her mind around these sounds. I decided to start making tapes for her. I sent her some Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton and Neil Young. As her appreciation began to grow, I sent her other types of music like Pink Floyd, Herbie Hancock, and James Brown. I was trying to give her an overview before letting one thing dominate.

She grew to love all the music I sent her, from Blues Traveler, to Scratch Perry. She started to develop an ear for Phish, and began to be drawn in, but still didn't quite 'get it'.

As I was criss-crossing the country my little sister was growing up, she was reaching an age where she could take more control and do, as she desired. She had her license and could go see music if she wanted. The only problem was she had no one to go with, and when your seventeen going to a concert by yourself doesn't have the same appeal that it does when your twenty five.

While I was sitting in a circle around a small campfire in Indiana near the illustrious Deer Creek amphitheater it dawned on me. This is my family. These people are such good people. They are not like the materialistic, superficial kids that line the bars of a college town. These people had interesting ideas and ways of living. They were certainly a lot more interesting than the frat guys. And as I was puffing on a beautiful glass piece, I realized my sister had to meet these people. (They are everywhere).

As Rachel began college I hoped for new friends, new experiences and a self-realization that she is wonderful, beautiful, and amazing. It didn't happen. She hated her roommate, hated school, and felt like she was watching from outside the bubble known as college life. She changed schools, a little better, but it still wasn't coming together.

I had moved onto all types of music, still seeing Phish, but not only Phish. I was sending her Widespread Panic, Miles Davis, Talking Heads, Alpha Blondy, and P-funk, basically everything and anything that I dug. Rachel's musical mind expanded and she began to take a personal interest seeking out music of her own. She started seeing local music in Ohio, where she went to school, and began to frequent Acoustic Hookah shows were she began to feel the vibe.

Just as music has saved me from a mediocre, menial existence, I began to see her mind opening up. As she started to go to Phish shows, (even though she got on the boat a little late in '98) she still saw the possibilities. And it was her introduction to the truly tight knit music scene that brought realization to her eyes.

This past New Years Eve served as the culmination of years of struggle and at least to me is a symbol of a turning point in her life. I had recently sent her a five pack of burned c.d.'s. These are the disks I sent her, J.J. Cales 'Troubadour', DJ Logics Project Logic 'Live At The Wetlands', Miles Davis's 'On The Corner', The Slips 'From the Gecko' and Thievery Corporations '2001 A Spliff Odyssey.' I wanted to send her some Sector 9, but wanted to let stuff like DJ Logic and Thievery Corp. infiltrate her mind before introducing her to the Sound Tribe, whom I feel is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Wait second, sliced bread isn't that great. STS9 is the best thing since, since, since amplification. I didn't want her to pass by Sector 9 as being just o.k. I wanted her to be ready for their new type of music, you only have one chance to make a first impression, and I wanted her to be ready for the Sound Tribe.

Anyway she e-mailed me overflowing with joy and praise for the disks. She told me she got the c.d.'s and got together with her friends, (yes she made a couple of true friends) stayed in, lightened the mental load, and put on the disks, one after another. "Last night instead of going to the bar to see Quantum Parker (a local band) we stayed in and kind of had a welcoming party for the new music. We played all five c.d.'s one after another and just tripped out to them. If those guys (her roommates) didn't like those kinds of music before they, sure do now. I must have danced for like four hours, (my knee is not too happy with me today.) It was all so awesome, just great great music."

Reading this, along with the rest of her touching message made me cry. It brought tears to my eyes knowing that I was bringing the joy of music to my sister.

This evening of in house music set the stage for Rachel and her friends getting together and going to hear Acoustic Hookah for new years. They went to the show and Rachel had the experience. That pinnacle, pure, joyous unadulterated ecstatic union of music, soul, and love.

She e-mailed me again and told me the story. It was New Years Eve and she had set her mind straight for the occasion and slipped into the evening. "I was dancing right up front, and I turned around and saw this girl. I have seen this girl dancing at every single Hookah show I have ever been to, (except maybe the first one) and I don't know why but every time I see her dancing she's just tripped out ya know? And she has this serene look on her face. Anyways it always kind of surprises me to see her at pivotal points of the shows for me. And here once again I saw her. Now I know it sounds cheesy but I started to cry. It was just so intense we were hugging, crying and dancing, and it was so amazing."

It all made sense to her. I could read her joy; I could see the look on her face. She went on to tell me how amazing all these people she met are. She found her way into this musical family. She has left the insecurities and self-loathing of adolescence behind. She is happy; she has seen the bigger picture. Her life is better now. I love the music scene that has developed, or maybe it's always been there and I have only discovered it the past few years. Either way I just wish everyone could let down their guards and surrender to the flow. If only we could look beyond the physical and search out the spiritual. I have turned my sister on to this life, and she in turn introduced her roommates to it. If we can perpetuate this cycle, bringing more and more people into the circle, maybe we can change the world. At least we can continue to enhance and the immediate atmosphere we float in.

My life was changed by music, and now my sisters' has been also. I thank the dancing girl at the Hookah show; I thank all of the dancing spirits at all of the shows. I would like to thank all of the people I have met, and all of you beautiful, accepting, true people that I will meet. And my sister thanks you too. I can't wait to dance with you all and thank you personally, you helped to save my sister, and I love you all. May music permeate all of your lives forever.

Keep on spreading the love, Kayceman.