ARIES (March 21st-April 19th): This should be a pretty quiet month, which means it would be relatively loud for others, you party crazed manimal(or womanimal). Although your power of enchantment is waning like the amount of Phish shows played per year, you still have some left. The middle of the month may bring specially assertive and dynamic characteristics to you. So don't be surprised when you are seeing the Flecktones and you bravely stand up and shout, "Enough of this Future Man solo, bring on Victor!" You are usually a pretty assertive person, so this extra touch may be a bit much. I feel sorry for the crowd member next to you who tells you to shut up. He may come down with a terrible case of bad vibes after you use your Jedi-mind trick on him and then give him the hairy eyeball.

TAURUS: (April 20th-May 20th): Have a hoppy birthday by going to a show and guzzling down some tasty Long Trail Ales. What? No Long Trail around?? Go have a Sammy Smith's oatmeal stout. Phatty. You may still feel you need to rid yourself of some dead wood, so seriously get rid of those old, low-bias, hissy tapes. Just throw them away. Good. Before you show off your originality by going to all the spring and summer festivals naked, think it through. Do you really want people to see your hiney? Once you've decided to go naked anyway, make sure you check out at least one new band. May I suggest the Astral Project and their New Orleans based jazz?

GEMINI (May 21st-June 20th): This month rocks the damn house for most of you. Plenty of live music to drench your soul til it's sopping wet with goodness. Some of you, however, are having a real problem with authority. Your day job may suck, but it is also your lifeblood. Be as gentle as a Wheel emerging from Space. After dealing with your inner angst, the month is free and clear for some jolly good fun. You can communicate well and will easily be able to find a very fair trade in the lot. Come Memorial Day, you will be totally in the zone and feel that the Jiggle the Handle jam you are listening to has been played just for you!

CANCER(June 21st-July 22nd): This month starts off raging with a killer high-energy performance by Gov't Mule. Warren has blown you away. Your career is smokin' right now and you can't seem to make your wares fast enough. Dresses, necklaces, patches, stickers, herbs...all are moving way faster that you would have expected in your wildest dreams! Someone in authority may hook you, so be super kind to the 'rents this month. You'll notice that by mid-month all your tapes are neatly organized by band and date, which is rare for someone usually so disorganized. By the end of the month, kickin back is on your mind... and the three-day String Cheese Incident festival in Horning's Hideout, Oregon is too.

LEO (July 23rd-August 22nd): Roar. He he he... Not much is happening. You are bored. It's the same old same old. You need some song and dance, brother!!! I highly suggest you get some funk in your diet and go catch Bernie Worrell and the Woo Warriors. The drivin' funk will help you tear the roof off the sucka. You may have a bad case of cottonmouth for the first few days of the month, but what's new, right? Ya freak. That's probably the reason your head seems cloudy, too. This, of course, may cause you to be unfriendly. There will be no miracle kick down from you this month, that's for sure. But things pick up closer to the Holiday as you cook up some killer not-dogs and have one fine party.

VIRGO (August 23rd-September 22nd): Some of you lovely people have hiked deep into the wilderness and do not want to return. You are enjoying this quiet time in the grandeur of nature. This serves to clear your mind. A meditation, if you will. You are always thinking about how to get to more shows or acquire more new discs for less money. After your pensive period, expect regeneration. The Living Daylights and Rockin' Teenage Combo are coming soon and you don't want to miss a jazzy beat. Life will be a picnic by month's end... hopefully one with free beer and grub.

LIBRA (September 23rd-October 22nd): You are such a little talker this month. Your mouth seems to have more energy than a guitar solo from Trey in 1992. Weedly weedly wee all month long from you! Your mind will be as sharp as that damn nail you stepped on while on '88 Dead tour. You will have to decide between some shows this month, but your decision will be a wise one when you go see the Addison Groove Project. During the setbreak, try to not be so chatty. You may strike up a conversation with someone and accidentally offend them by telling them how lame some band is... only to find out that this person is related to one of the band's members!! To each his own, Libra, to each his own.

SCORPIO (October 23rd-November 21st): You will be focusing all your attention on your family this month. That's all well and good, but all this hanging around at home will have you itchin' for some tunes by the time the Furthur Festival rolls around. Steve, Bob, and Mickey should have you being more extroverted in no time. Until then, you will have problems dealing with folks. When you try to score a coke during a hot and crowded show, you are unable to communicate with the vendor. It's like someone slipped something into your Kool-Aid and now your world is pulsing and it's hard to speak. Just slow down, relax, take a breath and the rest of the month will be pretty sweet... and maybe find yourself an Aries, too.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22nd-December 21st): This month you're walking through the lot, just minding your own business, but this little tour mutt keeps yappin' at your heels. You duck behind a VW Bus in an attempt to lose him, but the little dog keeps following you while he barks and yips. Expect some annoyances. Try to strengthen old relationships... maybe go check out the Radiators since you haven't seen them for quite some time. You'll remember why they are such a great band to see! You may hear some harsh words from an authority figure, so don't try to jump the rail and get down on the floor at a show because you will in all likelihood get busted...possibly tossed.

CAPRICORN (December 22nd-January 19th): Your roll continues on and on like the list of killer bands lined up for Berkfest this summer. You are just so psyched for the August weekend you can hardly contain yourself. "WOOOHOOO!!" you shout with glee as you dance around your living room banging a bongo. By the end of the month you decide to reorganize your already pretty darn organized world. You check jambase.com and mark down all the shows coming to your area on your calendar. Then you proceed to prioritize according to bands you like the most, ticket costs, what night of the week the shows are on, etc. It's kind of sickening, really. You thrive on it, though, and proceed to groove super hard all month long.

AQUARIUS (January 20th-February 18th): The first couple of days this month are great. They are highlighted by a very high-energy show performed by Ekoostik Hookah. You happily grab one of the many arms and levitate to Hookahville. Your job is tough right now, though. If you sell, no one is buying. If you write, you have perpetual writer's block. If you tour, there will be many flat tires. Your homelife is unsatisfying these days, too. Basically, things are kinda bummin'. If you can hold out, though, things will look up by Memorial Day. It's like you are having a tough time dealing with a particularly long, dark, and nasty jam. Hold on, Aqua-person, the darkness will soon give and the music will turn into a rowdy, show-stoppin' rocker!

PISCES (February 19th-March 20th): You grab the Maypole and go for a spin all month long, Pisces. Things are swell. You are even happier when you crank some Burning Spear this month. You sit back and let the irie music sooth your soul. Jah goodness. Then you go to a show and dance in circles while you flail your arms and shake your head. Some folks are looking at you kind of funny, but that's nothing new for you, strange fish. While everything will go very smoothly for you all month long, don't fool yourself. You may think that Trey sees you in the crowd and understands what you're thinking by his nods and smiles, but he doesn't. You have no special powers so just enjoy the music. The trick is to surrender to the flow.