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Published: 2013/04/01

Primus 4D Tour Causes Injuries Following Space-Time Continuum Gaffe

Primus have been forced to cancel their 4D tour after opening a rift in the fabric of space-time. The ambitious tour, which promised to bring fans back in time for a one-of-a-kind psychedelic experience, has come to a close after just one show.

The problems started when the band killed a butterfly while performing “Jerry Was a Racecar Driver” at the base of a volcano during the Triassic Period, roughly 135 million years ago. The insect’s death sparked a chain reaction that changed the course of all subsequent events and created an alternate reality in which the present day was completely unrecognizable, except for a House Hunters marathon on HGTV. “We were forced to go even further back in time to repair the damage we did so that the space-time continuum could be restored to its rightful balance. The present day may not be exactly as it would have been before, but I was able to pick Wichita State in my NCAA bracket, so I’m cool,” said Supreme Leader of the Galaxy, Les Claypool.

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