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Published: 2013/04/01

Primus 4D Tour Causes Injuries Following Space-Time Continuum Gaffe

Primus have been forced to cancel their 4D tour after opening a rift in the fabric of space-time. The ambitious tour, which promised to bring fans back in time for a one-of-a-kind psychedelic experience, has come to a close after just one show.

The problems started when the band killed a butterfly while performing “Jerry Was a Racecar Driver” at the base of a volcano during the Triassic Period, roughly 135 million years ago. The insect’s death sparked a chain reaction that changed the course of all subsequent events and created an alternate reality in which the present day was completely unrecognizable, except for a House Hunters marathon on HGTV. “We were forced to go even further back in time to repair the damage we did so that the space-time continuum could be restored to its rightful balance. The present day may not be exactly as it would have been before, but I was able to pick Wichita State in my NCAA bracket, so I’m cool,” said Supreme Leader of the Galaxy, Les Claypool.

Comments

There are 29 comments associated with this post

jacob valverde April 1, 2013, 13:49:41

I HATE April Fools day!!!!

greg April 1, 2013, 14:40:23

This article is not far from the truth. If you have experienced Primus 3D, as I did in Denver, Colorado last year, you too may have slipped into a vortex….. Seriously speaking, the combination of the trio’s level of play and the visual experience made me feel like I was experiencing the concert of the future. Do not miss this, Primus was playing at the top of their game and it felt like a Zeppelin show at times mixed with the best Pink Floyd could give when they introduced light show trippiness to their early days…

Amber patterson April 1, 2013, 15:23:58

Almost threw me into a panic,til I realized what day it is today! Hahahah Les you’ve fooled me yet again.

Amber Patterson April 1, 2013, 15:30:44

Almost threw me into a panic, til I realized what day it is today. Hahahah good one Les!

Bob April 1, 2013, 17:55:01

That Denver show was the weakest show I’ve ever seen Primus do. If I never hear the 20 minute Southbound Pachyderm again I will be happy. Their last show at the Ogden before this was great, but they regressed to the “jammy” Primus for this show.

Deb April 1, 2013, 19:38:22

I too saw the Denver 3D show as well as the awesome show at Red Rocks with The Flaming Lips. Both kicked ass and I can’t wait to see them soon in Colorado Springs. Les, you are awesome!

Kate April 1, 2013, 19:41:50

Les your awesome!!

Bill April 1, 2013, 19:47:26

Not sure if Bob is against good music, is a bad fan, or is just deaf. Having seen that Denver show, I can guarantee that any TRUE Primus fan in that venue savored every last second of that Southbound Pachyderm, much less the rest of what turned out to be the best Primus show I may ever see. I completely agree Greg, multiple times during the show I remarked that it felt like a Pink Floyd show. The jams were just KILLER. TL;DR: If you don’t like JAMS, don’t go to concerts with great musicians who want to have fun with their music. Also saying you hated a long JAM on JAMbands.com is a bit counter-intuitive..

Brymo April 1, 2013, 19:50:19

So that’s why I have a fridge full of Purple Pachyderm non-alcoholic beer.

MattMcCay April 1, 2013, 20:29:34

the 3D tour has been the best thing I’ve seen on stage since Jerry Garcia was black haired, skinny, and I was on acid. Maybe Les, Ler, and Jay should go straight to 5D.

derp. April 1, 2013, 21:43:25

Primus Sucks

Huss April 1, 2013, 22:06:02

I hate it when that happens. Wish I could have been there.

Jim April 1, 2013, 22:51:22

I thought Bob took a belt, took a belt and hung himself
Hung himself in the doorway of the apartment where he lived

Drewzer April 1, 2013, 22:52:00

What April Fool’s joke? Take the right drugs at a Primus concert and this is all true!

The Heckler April 1, 2013, 23:05:14

Have a cigar

Golden Goat April 2, 2013, 00:04:35

Ha nice Bradbury reference…

Wycat April 2, 2013, 00:06:23

DERP,derp
Flies don’t time

Dubz April 2, 2013, 12:04:17

Might not have been in Denver but Primus 3D was beyond amazing. Bob, I think i speak for everyone when I say, fu*k you.

levi April 2, 2013, 14:11:37

Saw Primus a few times. Liked em a lot more years ago. But the crowd is good and the music is still fun. Bass playing carpenters unite! Les is the man. Come back to Seattle soon

Sheena Bean April 2, 2013, 14:23:45

Oh You BASTARDS! damn near peed meself outta sadness.

johnny April 2, 2013, 22:40:59

Huh? Long live rhe reign of LES

Fairywyrm April 2, 2013, 17:36:08

I too saw the Denver 3D show. I left wishing the band would leave the 3D at home and just be a good ole fashioned high energy power trio. Felt like they played to the 3D (long jams, often playing while looking at the screen, etc) and didnt just…bring it. 3D tour was fun, but im hoping for 2D Primus again soon.

Chris Lahti April 3, 2013, 00:52:36

Les,
you hyper numatic thumb & finger bass playing kung-fu master thanks for taking a moment and playing a good April Fools joke… Always love seeing & hearing all of your interiging funky jam on personality trinkets. Been a fan forever…bla bla bla Thank again!

Luis k Ramos April 3, 2013, 13:13:03

Les you are the greatest just picked up the purple onion cd and its a blast love David malakalaster II but no sir I’m not gay lol later have a good one.

Nakiel April 3, 2013, 14:20:05

Probable!

timmy April 4, 2013, 13:22:34

primus sucks!

FasthandsFletcher April 4, 2013, 17:09:44

Haaahaha… Good one Les! ... I’ve seen Primus 3 times now and Les on his own twice and they were all fantastic shows! I can’t wait to see the 3D tour! Sucks that I have to travel to Toronto Canada but I’m sure it will be worth it! ... Come back to Ottawa!!!!

Dustin Thomlinson April 6, 2013, 22:22:16

HAHA this is great, but I came a little to late! Great article!
Speaking of traveling through the vortex, my buddies at relaxsonic (formerly Gong the Planet) have been notorious for sending the conscience to other dimensions. If you haven’t heard of them yet, chekc out their Sonic portal!! vvvv
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_cnLggH9Bs

Lee May 21, 2013, 02:23:22

I can say primus sucks any time I see fkin trippers give it a chance !

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