Lt Molloy from the Fort Clinch Park Service held a press conference today to clear up any misunderstandings regarding the cancellation of the planned Umphrey’s McGee/Lettuce shows. With a projector screen behind him displaying evidence, Molloy explained that, following a careful study of available video footage, it was determined that Jake Cinninger’s fingers exceed the park’s strict 15mph speed limit at all times while the band is performing. “We tried to compromise with the band, suggested they play a special ‘all ballads’ show, but apparently even on a slow song, Cinninger is only able to bring it down to about 20mph, and that just doesn’t jibe with the safety of the park.” Molloy laid blame with a few of the other performers, particularly UM’s Kris Meyers and Lettuce’s Adam Deitch, but emphasized that it mostly came down to Cinninger’s “unwillingness to turn it down a notch.”

Following the press conference, the Disco Biscuits’ Jon Gutwillig tweeted a show of solidarity stating “Bisco boycotting Ft Clinch on next tour. Say yes to shred. #BarberShreds”