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Published: 2017/04/01

Phish Will Postpone Baker’s Dozen Dates in Light of Jon Fishman’s Alleged Ties to Russia

In a startling turn of events, Phish has announced that it will place plans on hold for their upcoming 13-night run at New York’s Madison Square Garden. Jambands.com is the first to report that this postponement is related to drummer Jon Fishman’s alleged Russian ties during the 2016 election.

While the band had initially considered performing as a trio for this residency, which will take place from Friday, July 21 through Sunday, August 6, recent events have called into question the viability of the Triangle Offense at the World’s Most Famous Arena (Scottie Pippen affirmed this conclusion earlier in the week).

When asked to comment, Fishman responded from behind the microphone of his weekly show on WBFY 100.9 FM, Belfast Community Radio, noting that presidential candidate Bernie Sanders was “actually, mostly Polish. Can’t the haters gets anything right?” Then at the conclusion of a 75 minute screed, he volunteered to slather himself in Russian dressing and wrestle Sean Spicer.

In lieu of these developments, Providence, Rhode Island’s Dunkin’ Donuts Center has stepped up and offered to host the 13 shows.

It is still unclear who is responsible for spreading the Fishman/Russian rumors although the “Time to Make the Donuts Guy” is under suspicion (despite his alleged death in 2005), as are Casey Affleck and Green Bay Packers defensive tackle Ricky Jean Francois, who owns 25 Dunkin’ franchises.

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