Love it or hate it - you’ve still got to admit that the cell phone is a brilliant invention. Flat tire in the middle of nowhere, forgot what to buy at the supermarket, missed that meeting with your friend at the station - just pick it up and make that magic call!

You’ve also got to admit that they can be extremely annoying from time to time. Try the get some rest on a train or a bus, try to eat out, try to go to the movies - I bet some goddamned cell phone will break the peace. Now, that might be perfectly OK, but the problem is - there is no such thing as ONE single cell phone disturbing you ONCE. It’s impossible to go anywhere in public without hearing cell phone signals EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME.

It’s even worse if you happen to have one yourself. Every time someone else’s phone rings - you've just GOT to check if it’s yours.

Now, don’t you worry about the latter problem no more folks! I’ve come up with the perfect solution for you… at least if you own a not too old Ericsson cell phone:

Create your own ring signals!

In honor of one of my favorite jam bands, I’ve worked a few tunes out that you might like to try. They’re not perfect, but I think you’ll recognize them anyhow.

OK, here we go: Scroll to Settings, YES, Edit melody, YES. Select Own 1 or Own 2. Press and hold CLR to clear the display, then use the keypad to enter notes.

1.First Tube (played at my first show in the USA, 10/1/00 ! ! !)

epApAp+CBpBp+D+Cp+Cp+E+Dp+Dp+F+Ep+Ep+C+Dp+DpB+Cp+CpAE

2.Bathtub Gin

+DppAB+CB+cpppbppp#FGAppgppp#FppF#FGF#fpppdpppC

3.Mike’s Song

#cp#cpepp#fp#fg#gb+c+ep+#F+#f+#f+#fp+E

4.It’s Ice

f#gb+d+fppf#gb+d+gppf#gb+d+#a+#g+e+g+f+#d+#c+d#g

5.Reba (played at my first show ever, Denmark 6/27/92 ! ! !)

+#D+#Dpp+D+Dpp+c+c+c+c+c+c+c+c+Dpp#A

6.Horn

a+g+apdp+A+bp+EppEpp+Ep+e+E

I hope this will help you personalize your cell phone enough to get rid of the always present "is it my phone that’s ringing?" question!

If you find better ways of doing the same thing - please post your improvements on the general message board on this site!

(Please don’t e-mail me about how to get the sweet music into your phone - I probably haven’t got a clue!)