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Stuck In Normal
by Chris Bertolet - brrtolet@gateway.net

I used to write a humor column for my high school rag. And even though 1986 was a long time ago, I'm pretty sure there's a rule that goes: never start a column with, "I couldn't think of what to write this (insert temporal quantifier here)."

Well, I couldn't think of what to write this month.

Certainly, it was not for lack of proper inspiration. After all, I saw three terrific Phish shows in October, among others. But something told me that other people would have words more eloquent than mine to describe those experiences (with the possible exception of the monkey that sat two rows behind us at the Greek). And sadly, nothing else crystallized as I dug around in the old, dusty cranial warehouse for something to say.

Then it dawned on me. It's November...and we're rapidly approaching one of my favorite holidays of the year. So, in the tradition of Thanksgiving, I would like to abuse my pulpit and indulge myself by publishing just some of the things for which I am thankful.

And yes, I promise...there's "jamband content."

First, I am thankful for food. For rejuvenating set-break Power Bars. For chicken curry so tender it falls off the bone. For the Pad Thai that tasted like battery acid, but gave me the fuel to make it through George Porter's blazing set at High Sierra. For the Macadamia nut pesto-crusted sea bass that I will probably always recall as the finest meal of my life. And for mushrooms, much as I despise the taste.

I am thankful for drink. For the pleasant bite and the charcoal ease of a MacCallan rocks with just a splash of water. For margueritas by the beach. For a serviceable wine gulped generously amongst friends, even more than a fine wine sipped alone. For the $4 Bud that took 20 minutes to procure at the Thomas & Mack. And, of course, for cool, cool water.

I am thankful for laughter, and it's a damn good thing (I seem susceptible lately). Ever notice that we tend to remember and reminisce about the times when we laugh the hardest? Me, too. Over the last year, I've come to realize that "South Park" might save the planet. I've also come to realize that if we hugged the person who made us laugh every time we laughed, pretty soon we wouldn't have much time for anything but laughing and hugging. Imagine. Work would suffer. Economies would collapse. But we'd all starve happy.

I am thankful for passion and stubborn determination. I am thankful that people still carry the torch for things they believe in, even if it's not always what I believe in. At shows, fairs and festivals P and every day in my community P I see thoughtful folks giving of themselves to make sure freedom has a fighting chance. I'm proud of the folks on the front lines of the fights for tolerance and legalization, for those who speak for the trees and animals, and for those who prize the Bill of Rights enough to know what it says. Like Ken Kesey said, they ain't many.

I am thankful for words, and humbled by their power. I'm thankful for Oscar Wilde and Pete Townshend. For Lewis Carroll and John Lennon. For William Shakespeare and Robert Hunter. For Flannery O'Connor and John Bell. For Dr. Seuss and Tom Marshall.

I am thankful for music. That parents still believe in the power of music enough to feed it to their children. That fans still care enough about music to waste hours dancing about architecture. That musicians still sleep in vans and eat processed ham sandwiches for weeks on end in search of the perfect gig, the transcendent jam. I'm grateful for the Grateful Dead, Phish, the Allman Brothers, The Who, The Beatles, Bach, Widespread Panic, Galactic, Wagner, Sly and the Family Stone, Beethoven, MMW and Rage Against the Machine.

More than anything, I am thankful for friends and family. For my mother and father, for providing for me and educating me, and building the foundation for a life that rewards me with an embarrassment of riches at every turn. I'm thankful that they failed from time to time, as their failures help me understand my own. I am grateful for my sister, for always making me smile. For my wife, for her embodiment of beauty, for reminding me daily that there's a better person inside myself, and for supporting me in my endeavors to find him.

Last, but not least I'm immensely thankful for the opportunity to turn around during the "Weekapaug" on Halloween night and see thirty friendly faces of three whole rows! smiling back at me and sharing in the groove. I'll remember that for a long, long time.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Chris Bertolet is a professional writer. He lives in Los Angeles with wife Jenn and cat Tom.