Home | Editors | Features | Columns | Photos | Regional | New Groove Road Trip | Tour Journal | Venue | Levels | Ghosts | Homegrown | Inaudible | CDs | Charts

Roadtrip of the Month: Halloween in Vegas
by Tony Oliveria
Edited by Michael Turner - mturner@broadcast.com

editor's note- please feel free to float your own Road Trip stories to me. While we are happy to allow Mutant Tony to yap about the 'Pods again next month, we'd love to hear about your adventures in issue #4. Please float your articles to Michael Turner <mturner@broadcast.com>

Hey all you mutants,
Well I finally recovered sufficiently to maybe throw together a little review of the wonderful little 3 night run out there in Vegas. Shit, if *Martini* Roberts, the Old T.P., and Marty "the asshole soundman" have already gotten off their asses and posted I figure it's the least I can do. Besides my managers are all in a meeting so now is the time. Just a warning this might get a bit long and will likely not have much to do with the actual shows or the music. Nick's already written a nice little review of the actual shows and you can get the tapes so no need for another from me. Disclaimer: Some names and details may be changed to protect the innocent...whoops, did I say innocent on the Pod-net? OK mainly to protect the guilty. Away we go....

Thursday, Aug. 6th in an office building somewhere near Beantown. I'm sitting at my desk wondering about my first venture west of NY. That's right I had never actually been west of NY despite the fact that I had lived in Africa (Angola) for 3 yrs and have been to Europe 6 times (born there as well). Anyhow I was real jittery and had that little kid, anticipation feeling happening. The last time I was this psyched for music was for the 3 Nantucket (moe.) Hoodoo Bash run earlier this summer. Work finally ends and my accomplice, Pete Sahlin; he of the Tape finder/ part time Vegas stripper (more on that later) and I head for the airport. Check in, grab a beer and head for the gate. Well Pete decided he didn't need a ticket so he left it on a table at the bar...nice tip, Pete :) He of course races back once he realizes this (luckily it was still there) and the rest of the flight goes smoothly. Arrive in Sin City about 11:20 pm local time (as if time matter in Vegas?) and it's a nice *cool* 94 degrees or so. Cab it to the Excalibur (say this in a deep, King Arthur type v oice). Pete thought the cab driver was stoned. He just had to tell us about some stripper? and her dog, his dog and whatever other nonsense he was spewing forth. Interrupt him to find out if he knew where Legends was? He never heard of it. Ditto for the girl at the check-in counter. Check in, put away our bags and hit the sluts, ummm...I mean slots. Lost about $80 between the slots and black jack..not too bad. Notice quickly that the free drinks are just *slightly* watered down :( Grab breakfast at about 3 am and off to bed for some much needed rest.

Friday, Aug. 7th.

Wake up around noon. Hard to tell what time it is in Vegas...even harder when the shades are drawn and the AC cranked. We do the shower thingy and head off to get some eats and kill some time. Lots left till the Sinpods hit the stage. The cool thing about Vegas is that most of the casinos are connected by walkways, some inside, some outside so you don't have to spend much time outdoors in the 100+ deg. heat and of course you NEVER have to leave the casinos where temptation abounds at every turn. Check out the Luxor (pyramid shaped hotel/casino)...much cooler than our little cheesy, castle like hotel/casino. One of the first things I notice about my first venture west is the abundance of *eye candy* especially the ratio of bleach blondes and natural blondes alike and the lack of clothing on many of the women. Yeah I know, I'm a typical male pig...one with a particular weakness for blondes, natural not bleached. Then I remember it is very hot out so *maybe* that's the reason for lack of clothing....tru st me I'm not complaining in the slightest :) Also notice the abundance of families. Who the hell would take their family to Vegas? Not I (assuming I had one) but to each their own. I'll spare you all the details of the rest of our afternoon which can be summed up in one word...GAMBLING. Decide to head to the show a bit early and grab a bite to eat near Legends. We get a pretty cool cabby who tells us all kinds of interesting things about Vegas. Pete had already told me about the local marijuana laws (the cabbie confirmed them)...one seed can get you in jail for a few years...makes sense, Prostitution is legal, gambling encouraged, drinking around the clock are all fine, family activities but smoke a little of that wackie tabackie and you end up in jail..talk about a truly fucked up city!...he had plenty of time for talking since Legends is not very close to the Strip. Our cab rides averaged around $25 a pop (ONE way, including tip)...OUCH! He liked us Massholes th ough so he gave us his name/number if we wanted him to give us a lift back. We head into Legends which from the outside doesn't look at all like a bar. It's sandwiched between one of them quickimart type places and a Pizza joint. Very dark, tinted windows with dancing bears on the windows. I would have never guessed it was even a bar from the outside. INSIDE...that's another story. Looks like your typical *local* (local to us not Vegas) bar with the exception of the cool band stuff on the bar and of course the poker machines built into the bar. Pool table in the corner, pizza and other food also available. I think it's connected to the joint next door? Pete and I take care of our first priority which is a beer..surprise, surprise. Of course, the first person I spot that I recognize is none other than, you guessed it, Marty "the asshole soundman" (has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?) Well, well, if it isn't my old friend Martin Racine. I bite my lip and do my best to feign a friendly hand shake and hello ;) I (at the time) had no p lans to tape though I did bring blanks. Sorry Marty there would be no shutting me off from the board this time! We finish up our beers and hit the Subway next door for some cheap eats. Notice some of the Suckwads (the Ominous ones) entering Legends just as we are finished eating and we follow them inside. We exchange pleasantries and introduce Pete to some of them (the ones he hasn't met before) and we settle in...still a while till showtime. Basically we just chatted for a while and sat at the bar. Ask them how the tour has been going. They seemed to be quite happy with the enthusiasm/crowds that they've been playing to. I think, COOL, about time these boys start getting a little much deserved recognition. Dana does his sound check and starts babbling about the NO REPEAT weekend to which I just had to yell out "NO ENCORES!"...his reply: "Yeah No encores just like in Springton." Then he makes some derogatory comment about me...no biggie, I just kind of hid behind a pole and there was barely anyone there anyhow. I guess at least now I kind of know how Marty must feel, being badgered by those fuckups on stage all the time...almost makes me feel some sympathy for him....well almost, but not quite! ;) I decide to seek out Nick, Rudy and Big Daddy. Nick had brought and extra deck and I had blanks so he was cool enough to let me use it and gave me a patch out of his mics to boot. He did this for all 3 nights.....THANKS NICK! Much appreciated. Said hello to Rudy and Big Daddy and we chatted about this and that (won't bore people cuz I can't remember much anyhow). Inquired about the smoking situation. Turns out there was a nice little ally out back. I, of course, would NEVER take part in an illegal activity so I just went outside and got some *fresh* air when everyone lit up...well I *may* have gotten a bit of 2nd hand smoke but I swear I didn't inhale! Just ask Monica Lewinsky :) Showtime and Pete and I were wondering where/who Caroline was? In fact we both gue ssed at who she was. Kind of funn y what you picture someone looking like from the other side of a computer screen...right Caroline? (more on this later) Turns out she wasn't even there on Friday night so we were both wrong! There was this funny couple? (old drunk and some floosy that Marty had his I on) talking to Dana and Marty and I think Dana told him about Marty, the asshole soundman, thing ( I know I didn't). The drunk claimed to have seen them last time they were in Vegas.

1st set: They played a bunch of crappy, old tunes that I had hoped they would never play again. Highlight was the drunk above and his floosy asking them to play "Marty, the asshole soundman...not sure if you can hear it on the tapes. I had to tell Martin I had NOTHING to do with it. Basically they sucked. A fact that Ted and I agreed upon during set-break (please note the sarcasm... the Ted part was true though) Met many of the handful of locals that have good taste in music during our nightly set-breaks in the ally way. Let's just say the local jam band scene is virtually non-existent and the *cheese* factor in Vegas is way too high for that too change anytime soon.

2nd set and encore: More shitty songs, more long, drawn out, boring jams. Much of the same only suckier. The highlight was the belly bucking contest and the yelling at Marty. Marty beat Dana whose belly has turned to moosh now that he's become sophisticated and graduated to Martinis. Word of advice for Dana...if you want to get back into *shape* and start whooping some ass again (belly bucking that is) you'd better return to what got you the championship...Genesee Cream Ale...you may even want to go back and watch the Rocky movies for inspiration.

After the show I once again told Ted how much they sucked but that they at least sucked well, which isn't easy you know and at least they sucked even more in the 2nd set which shows they were hitting their stride ;) Pete and I hung out for sometime and watched Dana suck down Martinis and make $10 last for hours in the poker machines. Pete was helping him out with Poker strategy. I just chatted with whomever. At some point I finally look over and Pete is now sound a sleep at the bar with his head resting on one of the poker games. Dana had lost his allowance for the night and everyone was ready to go home. I said my good byes and asked the barkeep to call me a cab...actually I asked him to call the same guy that brought us there some 10 hrs earlier. I waited a bit and then decided to get Pete up so that he would be ready. Well I kind of shook him and he gave me some dazed look like he didn't know where he was...he didn't. The only people in there were Pete, the barke ep, the earlier shift barkeep (a w oman) and myself. Pete eventually got to his feet and I decided to go to the little boys room before our long ass cab ride. Well when I come out there's old Pete trying out for one of them Vegas shows (I think). Basically he is standing by the pool table looking for something. I thought he was looking for the cue ball? Oh yeah, did I mention that he had taken off his sandals and his shorts and was doing this "looking" in a t-shirt and boxers. Too funny! I was looking at the bartenders who were just sitting there and staring at him and I was chuckling to myself. Only in Vegas...at least I hope so for Pete's sake. This must be where the phrase "for Pete's sake" comes from? (anyone really know where this came from..I'm curious?) I yelled at him and asked him what the fuck he was doing but he still had no clue.

I had to tell him that he was wearing his boxers and he was still in Legends. Took him a while but he finally realized what was going on and the look on his face was priceless. Very, very funny! Well, Pete "the Pervert" got dressed and we decided to head outside and wait for the cab. We kind of sat near the Sillypuds trailer. We even tried lifting it just to see how heavy it was. At this point I had a devilish little idea which I mentioned to Pete but only in passing...we decided against it at the time (more on that in part III if I ever get to it). Cabbie came, same guy. He actually had given Marty, Ted and TP a ride a little earlier. Said they had no sense of humor...go figure! Got back to our castle and hit the hay. Stay tuned for more of my senseless babbling coming soon to a pod-net digest near you.

later,
-Tony (the asshole fan)