Home Is Where Your Heart Is

I never did end up making it back to Detroit. Motown. Home.

In fact, I had convinced myself that I wanted to go back... that after four years away it was time to make the journey. Home. I didn't realize how much I was dreading the trip. But as soon as I stepped on the plane, something didn't feel right. What exactly was I going home to? Why was I filled with panic? It didn't take much, because I have learned to trust my own instincts. So three minutes before take-off I simply unbuckled my seatbelt, grabbed my backpack from under the seat, got up, feeling nearly out of my own body, and walked to the head of the cabin. I felt like I was floating. As I approached the door, the 3 attendents looked worried.

One said to me, "What's wrong?"

I said, "I changed my mind. I want to get off the plane."

"Why?" he asked.

"I think I'm having a panic attack," I told him.

He smiled and touched my arm and said, "It's ok. It happens all the time."

Another attendant got on her walkie talkie and radio'd ahead to the counter. She escorted me off the aircraft. I immediately felt relieved. She assumed I was a tourist wanting to extend my Hawaiian vacation... many people come here on holiday and just never leave. I told her, no, I live here. I just don't want to leave. The people at the counter people said that they may or may not be able to intercept my baggage in LA, but it might end up in Detroit. I told them I didn't care if I never see my luggage again.

That's when I realized Detroit may be where I'm from, but it's no longer Home.

This was reinforced a couple nights ago, when I attended a special Hawaiian Slack Key guitar performance at the Honolulu Acadamy of Arts Theater. The performance featured guitar duets by some of Hawaii's most famous slack key musicians, including Cyril Pahinui (son of famous slack key traditionalist Gabby Pahinui), Led Ka'apana, and George Kahumoku.

Go ahead. I dare you to pronounce those last names.

The venue was cozy, seating only about 300 people. The stage was decorated with foliage and ginger. George Kahumoku performed his duet with one of his students, Daniel Ho. We were treated to old-style Hawaiian music, with a touch of gospel, as they performed pieces from Kahumoku's recent compilation of hymns and hymn-like songs, written by request of his grandmother. Kahumoku even invited his mother from the audience to the stage to perform hula along with the sweet melodies that bounced between him and Ho.

Later in the evening Led Ka'apana performed a few solo songs. He and his brothers opened up for Bob Dylan when he played here in October of '98. Cyril Pahinui referred to Led Ka'apana as "Speedy Gonzales", because of his incredibly fast but eloquent and graceful slack key guitar picking. To see and hear Led perform is awe-inspiring. Led also sings sweetly with a beautiful Hawaiian falsetto. And when he and Pahinui joined the stage together, Led picked up a Ukulele and the two of them jammed together acoustic Hawaiian Style.

Jammed? Well, ok, so I wasn't in the back of the hall spinning. And they weren't selling kind veggie tiki dolls in the parking lot before the show. Though Hawaiian music isn't typically improv oriented, it still jams. The music is fluid and melodic, the musicans are as skilled or more skilled than most rock stars today. Currently we're experiencing what some refer to as the Hawaiian Music Renaissance. Artists like Ka'apana and Pahinui travel all over the world, sharing the magic of Hawaiian music. They have brought a new skill and a new respect to slack key, not simply as background music to sip umbrella drinks to under a palm tree, but as a cultural art form.

At the end of the show, all of the artists joined on stage for a big slack key jam session. Furthur Festival style, you might say. During the last song, a famous traditional Hawaiian favorite, the audience stood up, joined hands with one another, and sang along. It was a moment of pure Aloha. And I never felt more at home.

Sometimes living out here in the middle of this big puddle, I do get the Tour Itch. It can be hard knowing all those shows are happening on the mainland, especially when the reports come pouring in from your state-side pals. But the upside is that each time I make a journey to a show it is truly something special.

Maybe someday it will feel right to venture to Detroit again, perhaps there will come a time when I feel compelled to visit my hometown. Maybe I'll go back and see my family and even catch a few shows. But right now I am content here, and I can still find a groove or two here on the islands. Home is where the heart is and so is the jam. My heart is definitely in Hawaii.