I'm surprised that there aren't more band therapists. There is no more screwed up bunch of people, desperately in need of professional help, than musicians. And why is this? Now I don't want to stray in the unwanted field of misogyny here, so let's just say that it's a pretty common notion that in the snapping dogpile of musicians, it is usually male dogs that reign king. It's a fact that music is a male dominated field and conjecture suggests that bands are just the grown-up version of tree house and cardboard clubhouse gangs that boys so love. Fraternal bonding plugged into 10,000 watts, twenty years later.. Therapy dear Watson, why this case of The Bands of the Baskervilles seems more in need of Electro-shock, rather than simple cajoling!

Having worked with bands for over a decade, I might not have seen it all, but I have seen quite a bit. Take the case of the band whose lead guitarist would run off stage after a performance and cry, because his solo's were, "touching the core of earth's fabric." Uh-huh. Or the drummer who would smash his hand into the wall every time the guitarist would inevitably end up with the girl of his fancy. Owie. And how many times have you seen bands in a deep funk because their manager ran off with the money? Or, the bass player and lead singer fell in love and quit the band (perhaps another reason why there aren't that many women in rock). Or, the drummer got his drum kit stolen and now has nothing to play at gigs. Or, three of the four dates on your tour were cancelled and now you're stuck in Kansas with no weed and no money. Or, your keyboardist owed so much money to the local hippie Mafia, for various substances, that they broke his ring finger on both hands. Or, your roadie smoked ketamine before your show in Tempe, Az, and was last seen wandering into the desert in his underwear. Yes music fans, those are only some of the bizarre behavior I have seen and heard about in the nineties. And that's not even the weird stuff.

So what's a band to do? Well, that's why I'm here DNA B.A. M.A, a man of varying degrees and deep empathy. Schooled in the world of Humanistic and Transpersonal Psychology, I have an insight into the creative muse and a bridge to the real world of compromise and stability. But let me state that I am no preacher of rehab, but I do know that real drugs do kill real people, and that no matter how great the band, if someone has a chemical dependency, the end results are always full of sorrow and pain for those still around. So if your band is plagued by addiction, you can try MusiCares, a program that was started in 1989, so that music people had a place to turn to when the going gets too weird. They're real deal professionals and their number is 310-392-3777.

My role isn't to talk about chemical dependency, but to help you explore more interpersonal reasons why your band isn't king of the hill and mighty like Aphrodite. Truth is, that as long as you're having fun, it doesn't even matter if you're any good, but if the blues plagues your band, you've got to figure out a way to make it work. This is known as "fight or flight."

If you all agree to make it work, then it should be agreed upon that you all will share the work. All too often one member of the band gets stuck with all the difficult chores. My statistics tell me that it's often the drummer that gets the onus of the load, but that might be my skewed slant on life. Yup, in a band there's all kinds of hats to wear. There's making the press kits, finding the booking info and booking the date. There's confirming that everyone knows there's a booking and then rebooking once a satisfying date has been made. There's advertising the shows (and lord knows how many times band members will complain that nobody knew about the show, when they themselves couldn't get off the couch to hang posters). There's making sure the club has a PA and then securing a PA. There's dealing with asses (which have been known to take the form of soundmen, club owners and bouncers), there's making merchandise, there's selling merchandise, there's collecting the pay and on and on. Even splitting the pay amongst the band members is a job. Because if it's not enough, then who's ultimately the one that gets bitched at? You guessed it. Usually the guy (or gal) who has done most of the work.

Now, in any other job, if you're doing substantially more work than someone else, you usually have a different job description and a different rate of pay. But in bands, no matter how much you do for the band, you usually get the same pay. This type of behavior while unfortunate and unfair is standard. I suggest looking at all the things that need to be done and dividing them up, or at least getting a bigger slice of the pizza pie for the Type A soul who takes on the burden of the load.

It's amazing how many bands let things get so far, that even the music on stage becomes a chore. If your band is at this point, you might reconsider the whole notion of being a band, because isn't the reason that you're on stage because you love the music? I must assure you that it is possible to balance the problems in a band and still love the music. All is not hopeless.

If you look at a band like a relationship with instead of one significant other, two, three or more significant others, then you're ready for the battle. Somebody once said that music is love, and as all of you who have been, or currently are in love must know, love ain't easy. Too much pressure extinguishes love, too little support collapses love, and being in love with inexperienced lovers can be frustrating. The key to being a good band mate, is being patient without being a doormat, being aggressive without being an asshole, and being supportive without being domineering.

Being in a band can be the most rewarding experience, it an also be the most jarring if not looked at in a healthy manner.

So until next time, I'm out like Dr. Ruth on a blind date. And remember kids if you keep it wrapped, you keep it fresh. Good luck and have FUN, this is DNA saying if you need help, don't break your drummer's sticks, e-mail me and let's see whassup! DNA@jambands.com