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A Tender Tale
by Tony Oliveira

I guess the first time I heard of these guys back in '94 I thought to myself, "what a strange name." So I guess I should go into how it/they came about since I'm sure many people have pondered this very same question. I tried my usual pod-net sources but, alas, no one could provide me with much help. Then it came to me sort of as if in a dream: yes I thought, I would consult the Oracle of 211; our leader in twoelevenlutionology. For those of you unfamiliar with the world of the Ominous Seapods, you should know that "211" has reached almost mythical proportions in Seapods lore. Not only is it the date of a very important show, 2/11/95 at Dartmouth College, which, by the way, had a profound effect on the lives of a few mutants and the band, but 211 is also a real person. The Oracle of 211 was formerly know as Scott McQuilken. Legend has it that Scott worked in a bio-med lab and was contemplating a career in medicine. He had recently applied to medical school and was well on his way until that fateful day. Legend also has it that he had one of those mind opening, moments of enlightenment at this show. He decided there was more to life than following the clear cut career path, quickly dropped his career plans, changed his name to "2-11" and dropped out of society in general in hopes of becoming one with his surroundings. This show revealed the *truth* to him and thus has come to symbolize the truth around you and within yourself. In short "211" is everywhere and in everyone. With the help of some friends in very *high* places (and a satellite tracking system), I was able to track him down though I am unable to reveal his where abouts. I asked our leader to reveal to me the origin of the Ominous ones. Well, 'Ol 211 started spinning some tall tale about how the Ominous Seapods came about. It was rather amusing and I thought to myself that he's been in the woods a bit too long, but I must admit it explains a lot about these North Country Freaks. Here is the tale to the best of my recollection:

Once upon a time in a land -- actually a sea -- far, far away there lived a bunch of mutants: four small, furry, semi-human, troll-like creatures and one rather tall, lanky one...very Ominous in nature.

These Sea trolls frolicked in the waters off the coast of this far off land, passing their time chasing sea nymphs, smoking seaweed, ragging on the fish, and each other and what not till one day they happened upon a tourist ship that was passing by. Immediately their curiosity was drawn as this was their first contact with humans. As fate would have it there was also a 5 piece band on board this vessel. This was their first time hearing music as we know it and immediately they became enchanted with the sweet sounds they were hearing. The tall lanky one (with a slight resemblance to Alice Cooper) was particularly taken by the pounding sounds of the bass. He couldn't help but bob his head unmercilessly. He seemed to believe that this instrument was incapable of lying and therefor spoke nothing but the truth. Another of them (the one sometimes known as cousin It) was equally captivated by the sounds he heard emanating from a square shaped instrument with black and white keys. One by one they all seemed to be drawn to one of these instruments. For the short haired, bearded one with an uncanny resemblance to a deflated Lou Ferigno 'twas the drums that drew his fancy. The gobi looking, big bellied one known as Monty Roberts and his curly haired compadre (sometimes known as Abraham) preferred the sounds emanating from the six stringed instruments. Unfortunately for our friends the boat seemed to come and go all too quickly, but the sounds they heard continued to haunt their waking hours. They appeared to grow increasingly restless and tried all sorts of ways to take their minds off their new-found obsession. Alas, nothing seemed to work they even gave up chasing the sea nymphs. Eventually this Monty Roberts went off to seek advice from the lovely mermaids. He told them of their obsession and what they had heard. The mermaids were quite helpful and told him that they had heard (from sailors) that these instruments were quite common place on land and that humans actually paid to see people playing them. The mermaids explained to him the concept of money and filled him on a bunch of other things about the humans. Well, old Monty Roberts nearly pissed himself when he heard this (actually he did, but since he was in the water the mermaids couldn't tell). He immediately hatched a plan and explained it to them. They gave him all kinds of good advice and Monty took leave of them and filled in the rest of the mutants.

They all happily agreed to it carry it out and decided to leave this sea for drier climates at once. It just so happens that they took their first steps onto land in a place called Plattsburg which is strangely similar in name to the platypus which lives in water and on land...coincidence? I think not. The first human they encountered, was this bushy-mustached male who seemed to be aimlessly wandering about town. His name was Marty Racine. Well old Marty took one look at these mutants and muttered to himself "these guys look like a bunch of North Country Freaks." Monty Roberts explained their situation and 'Ol Martin explained the concept of clothes and immediately took them to do some shopping. Once dressed and cleaned up these mutants looked very, very similar to human beings. Although these mutants were able to communicate with Marty using the broken English they had picked up from the mermaids (who had gotten it from the sailors), Marty suggested they join him in enrolling at the local university, SUNY-Plattsburg. For registration purposes, Marty decided to give them human names. Dana, Tom, Max, Brian, and Ted were what he dubbed them. It also seemed these mutants had a particular fondness for the words "asshole" and "bastard," which would make sense because of the sailor connection. Marty explained these words were unacceptable (these words would come back to haunt poor Marty one day). They did as Marty suggested and quickly learned the ways of college kids.

They watched endless hours of television: Gilligan's Island, The Donny and Marie show, any porn movie they could get their grubby little hands on, cheezy sci-fi flicks (Monty was particular fond of all things cheez)...you get the picture. They spent much time hanging out and partaking in the "extra curricular activities" available to them. Max (Abraham) had a particular affinity for "Meanest Liquid Kosher Kind Buds #80". Of course, they quickly bought themselves some instruments and began to play night and day. They were really quite good and on the behest of Martin, who needed a job anyhow, these mutants formed a band. Marty had suggested "The North Country Freak Band" but 'Ol Monty would have nothing of it. He wanted something a bit hipper, something that commanded fear and respect from the humans and he wanted to stay true to his roots (or lack thereof)...Yes, from this day forth this band of freaks would be known as THE OMINOUS SEAPODS!!! Immediately after telling this story the Oracle of 211 began to space out as if his mind was else where. I thanked him for his help but I know he didn't hear me. I took my leave of him and thought about what he told me and what I knew about them. The eerie part is it wasn't that much of a stretch though the some details were slightly mixed up. Then again who could blame him: poor 211 had been in the woods for quite a long time...too long, even for a mutant. The Ominous ones actually started out as Dana and Max playing as an acoustic duo. They both used to play open-mic night and decided to get together. This was sometime in late 90 or early 91. I believe the song "That's How They Got Along" is kind of about how they met. "Groovy" Rich Fischer (bass) and Sam Brewton (drums) joined them soon after. A few months later 2 more pieces fell into place (my guess is they were just slow swimmers) when Tom and later Brian joined them. Tom replacing Rich on bass. The band began to take there music seriously and decided to leave college to pursue their real love. They also decided a to move to Albany because of its proximity to NYC, its central location and relatively cheap cost of living. They rented out a house on 876 Lancaster that they promptly dubbed "The Grunge". This later became the name of their mailer...the Grunge Report. After a couple years and a few rounds of musical drummer, Ted, their current drummer, came aboard; sometime in '93. Immediately the band underwent a positive mutation. (This is their current line-up.) In other words, the band jelled as if the last piece of the puzzle had finally taken its rightful place. The Ominous Seapods are: Max Verna - guitar and vocals: Dana Monteith - guitar and vocals: Tom Pirozzi - bass and vocals: Brian Mangini - keyboards and Ted Marotta -drums and percussion.

An Ominous Side Show:

For those of you who have never witnessed the zaniness that is a Seapods show, I'm not sure of any description that can aptly describe it. Words like twisted, childish, absurd, demented, alarming, eccentric and bizarre only scratch the surface. (These boys need professional help). I think "side-show" is as good as a description as I can think of. A side show not unlike you would find at the circus, but with the show interweaved with the music and, on center stage. The ring leader is *usually* Dana and the *freaks* happen to be holding instruments. Your not always going to get a freak show but if your lucky....who knows, you may see anyone of a countless number of them. As many of you already know, many of the bands we know and love spend a great deal of time on the road honing their musical skills and trying to eke out a living doing the thing they love. Well, all this traveling, driving, and playing in front of sometimes sparse or inattentive crowds has lead these *mutants of the road* to come up with all sorts of ways of entertaining themselves and yes, even the audience. Among these are audience-member beauty contests, "blue-dart" specials, audience-member dance contests (usually in the middle of "Donny Osmand"), and the aforementioned *mutants of the road* where one of them would mock an audience member and the rest of them would have to guess who they are mocking. Sometimes this *entertainment* is intertwined in the song itself. Mr. Blood, which is basically a song mocking vegetarians, is usually done with Dana, and/or another audience member donning rubber masks. Ronald Reagan and chicken mask being the most common. The "act" is beyond description. "Abraham Unleavenhead" is also in this category; a tale of Abraham (Max), a liquid-koscher, kind-budd farmer, and his band getting pulled over by a state trooper (played by Dana). During the song, "Canceled", they have been known to *cancel* an audience member's life in much the same way a TV show is canceled (due to lack of interest). The latest craze sweeping the land of the Ominous Seapods are actual WBBF sanctioned, belly bucking matches with band members, soundmen, and fans alike getting involved in the theatrics. These are just a few of the low budget, humorous anitcs that have been known to take place at a show. I should mention that they in no way take away from the music; rather just adding to the already carnival like atmosphere.

The Music:

From the onset, it has always been there goal to make danceable, "in-your-face" (as described by Dana) and original music; it appears they are well on their way to achieving this. It's this "in-your-face" quality that differentiates them from many of the other so-called, hippie bands. Unlike many jam bands that tend to fall into the trap of jamming - for just the sake of jamming; OSP has always strived to get their musical point across as efficiently as possible. "Why take Fifteen minutes to say something that you can do in four?" asks Dana. That's not to say that they don't stretch out their songs, they do, but they rarely get lost along the way. Of course, four minutes may tend to be an exaggeration as most of their songs fall into the seven or eight minute range and many times beyond that. They've always reminded me of a modern day Allman Brother's Band in a twisted sense. Much of that being due to the frequent slide work of Max and sometimes a dual slide attack when Dana joins in and partially due to the similar band line-ups (minus an additional drummer). I must admit I was less than impressed with their vocals, an all too common problem with jam bands, when I first started listening to them. However, over the last few years they've improved them considerably through a little hard work and by just plain "paying more attention to them" according to Dana. As you might have already guessed, their love of the absurd and wicked sense of humor has also influenced their playing and writing. Many times Dana has been known to wield an egg beater (like Nels Cline) during some of his more, off-the-wall solos. You can clearly see their demented sense of humor showing through in many of their lyrics as well. Who else would write a song about Donny Osmand? or Marv Albert (a tale of Max's first concert and his switch-blade comb). Or even a little ditty done purely to show their affection towards their soundman; Marty Racine (which has since been permanently retired). You can attribute much of this dementia to all the time these guys have spent on the road. Since purchasing "El Stinko", their `92 Dodge Van, they've racked up approximately 300,000 miles by touring the country relentlessly. They've probably averaged over 200+ shows since `93 and have even had to retire "El Stinko" in favor of "El Rancho", their newly acquired home-on-wheels. Not unlike many of the other bands touring the jam band circuit, spending most of your time on the road can naturally leave you with lots of free time. It is the so-called free time that is largely responsible for the above mentioned sense of humor and a great deal of their song writing. In short, they write about what they know and the experiences garnered along the way. As mentioned earlier, "That's How They Got Along" has to do with Dana & Tom's getting together. "Leaving the Monopole" is a tune about...well, leaving (outgrowing) the Monopole, a bar that they used to play on a regular basis in Plattsburg. "Anything Is Possible" was written shortly after the band decided to pursue their music career full time (dropping out of Plattsburg to do so). "Passengers En Route" written by the Old TP about a cross-country trek aboard a train is yet another. They also have written a couple of rarely played trilogies: Michael Murphy and Steven O'Rourke which, according to Dana, are named after a couple of fans/mutants from the Seapods' past. Again these are just a few examples, it seems the more you get to know their songs; the more you understand where they are coming from in respect to the lyrics. These boys also have a nice assortment of covers that they throw into the mix. Unlike many bands that cover songs and fail to add anything to them, they seem to excel at making the songs their own to the point that you no longer even think of them as covers, much like the Grateful Dead was able to do. In fact, there are quite a few *cover* songs in their repertoire that I just assumed were their own. The Who's "Sally Simpson", Kingfish's "Jump for Joy", Spinal Tap's "Big Bottom", and "What's the Buzz" from the musical "Jesus Christ Superstar" being the most noteworthy. I've purposefully left out any flowery descriptions of the band's actual sound; as great music is best left to be experienced and not written about.

So What's the Buzz?

The Ominous Seapods have been largely a bar band since their inception, but they are literally on the verge of jumping to the next level. They have increased their following significantly by touring intensively out west (Something they were unable to do on their own until the last year or so). There is also a book in the works titled Mutants of the Road Atlas (due sometime next year) being written by some hard core mutants. They've recently retired El Stinko in favor of a new RV, dubbed El Rancho, and most importantly they recently signed with Hydrophonics/Megaforce records which is owned by Jon and Marsha Zazula. These are the same people who were once known as the Godparents of the Heavy Metal Movement in the 80's largely due to having introduced both Metallica and Anthrax to metal fans around the world. They recently released (July 7th) their Hydrophonic debut, Matinee Idols (a live album). Matinee Idols was recorded over a two-week period this spring at four of their favorite venues in their home state. Johnny Z quickly hailed it as one of the best records he's ever produced. Until the end of this year you can also pick up Late Show: Free Admission, also culled from the live sessions. This free bonus cd ($3 for postage) is only available by mailing the "Free Admission" ticket found in Matinee Idols. Recently they've even been declared "the best" of the New Renaissance of Jam Bands by Spin Magazine They clearly have momentum on their side and with a little luck they should be able turn many of the current jam band fans into full blown mutants and maybe even hook a few new ones along the way. I'll just enjoy the ride!

The Ominous Seapods are playing Legends Lounge in Las Vegas on 10/30 and Halloween after a certain band finishes warming up for them across town ;)
If you'd like to learn more about the Ominous Seapods, surf on over to: http://www.netspace.org/Seapods

Special thanks should go to:
Dan Plimpton, co-author of the forthcoming MOTRA, who provided me with a great deal of information and general help in writing this.
Thanks Dano!
Randy Alexander, OSP's publicist,
Contact: (609) 596-1410
The Ominous Seapods organization
and of course all the mutants on the Pod-Net...you know who you are.
Thanks guys!