Nope, no Phish today in The Loop. Unless that is you’re bringing a first date to the Greek tonight…

As ever, please feel free to send your reports and essays our way.

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Seems like a good idea. Everyone loves a concert right? Wrong. Firstly, if you ask a girl to a concert and she agrees, she might not be into the artist or into music at all. Even if you ask her if she likes the artist she may say yes because she doesn’t want you to judge her on her musical taste…which of course you are doing.

If you don’t adhere to my warning and decide to take a girl to a concert make sure it’s seats and not general admission. The general admission could turn into a terrible situation because there’s the risk of the ‘intoxicated-drunk-groper-guy,’which is rare but is a possibility. In general admission if you go to the bathroom you might lose her for the rest of the night pondering the thought, ”did she leave or was she kidnapped?” You don’t want that kind of guilt on your conscious.

The real problems start when the artist starts to play live. You didn’t factor in that it’s a first date and the goal is to get to know each other. Now your only form of communication is yelling back and forth in each other’s ear pretending that you both can hear each other, which you can’t, but you both nod politely‘yes,’ anyway.

If you want to dig deeper there’s the dancing aspect. She might start flapping and flailing like a drunken witch doctor and if you’re superficial like me this might be a huge turnoff. The opposite might occur as well if you go beyond the ‘head-nod’ and start to ‘let the music take control,’ and she starts judging you by your handclaps and syncopated-twirls.

Then there’s the alcohol. If you’re the guy who gets a beer every ten minutes (a raging alcoholic), she might get scared due to your intake and not want a second date. If she is a boozer this can backfire as you might be carrying her home, or she might in an attempt to be polite join you in your heavy consumption even though she’s not a drinker and throw up on you.

The plus of going to a concert on the first date is that you might get a second date out of it since you won’t have a chance to talk to each other, you bought the ticket, and she might feel bad for vomiting all over your go-too first date, perfectly wrinkled, linen-shirt.