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Columns > David Steinberg - Some Are Mathematicians

Published: 2006/03/13
by David Steinberg

Jambands Anonymous

ARIES (March 21st-April 19th): This month may find you wading through a treacherous swamp. While you’re down in the swampy southlands, why not check out a soulful and bluesy show from the North Mississippi All-Stars? After the show don’t get too spun. If you let everything kind of mellow out and just clear your head and get your space together, all vibes will be positive.

TAURUS (April 20th-May 20th): This month you may discover something big about yourself. Your personal epiphany will be as head-flippin’ as Robert Randolph and the Family Band’s live performance. Expect an important event with all the power of a ripping guitar solo backed by a rock solid rhythm section to unravel before your eyes.

GEMINI (May 21st-June 20th): You will be beaming with the satisfaction of a job well done. Things flow smoother and easier than a lightning fast banjo flurry from Mr. Bela Fleck for you this month. As the weather keeps getting warmer and the days keep getting longer your soul feels ignited. Trippy. CANCER (June 21st-July 22nd): You’re in your sedan or wagon driving down the highway this month. The tunes are flowing but the time just isn’t flying. Some serious decisions will need to be made this month, bro. Should you pick up that dreadie and give him a ride to the show? He may share some nugs with you or he may ride all the way to the show and then let you in on the fact that he has no gas money to pitch in.

LEO (July 23rd-August23rd): You march to the beat of a different drummer in March. Maybe that’s because you’re crankin’ a live show from the Motet on your stereo. Their off the hook percussion and stellar jams are definitely something out of the ordinary. Keep up the experimentalism and enjoy your own personal Acid Test on a daily basis.
VIRGO (August 24th-September 23rd): You may not know exactly what it is yet, but something big is on the horizon. Try to stifle your excitement, though. Chill out a little with a phatty spliff. Get into the “big things” mode by seeing the Big Wu play a rocking show at a sleepy little venue near you soon. Sweet.

LIBRA (September 24th-October 23rd): You are so sick of all the crap going on. You need a vacay, dood. And not just the soothing mini-vacations seeing live music provides you. You step off the kind plane to look around..and you’re in Gamehendge. Psyche! Actually, you’re in the city by the bay. You make no bones about getting right over to the Ratdog show, however. Bobby and friends soothe your soul with their foggy San Francisco sounds.

SCORPIO (October 24th-November 21st): You may feel a little old and haggard this month. Maybe you really are old or maybe you’ve just been shredding yourself with way too much to do. Instead of going out to see shows every single night of the week, reserve a night or two to stay in and listen to music. You find a killer Dick’s Picks disc in your vast collection. The good ’ol Grateful Dead rejuvenate you right down to the very core.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22nd-December 21st): You feel very powerful this month. You are able to do many things at once very well. Maybe that’s because you’ve taken away a few pointers from the last Keller Williams performance you witnessed. Keller’s ability to play the guitar, loop sounds, sing, and play “mouth trumpet” nearly simultaneously is inspiring!

CAPRICORN (December 22nd-January 20th): You go to the show only to find that tickets are sold-out. As you drive home your car breaks down. The next day your alarm doesn’t go off and you are late for your stupid ass day job. Damn, dood, you’ve been getting a raw deal all month long! Get out of this vicious cycle by trying something brand new. A show from the New Deal certainly sends you for a twist and forces you to see things a little differently.

AQUARIUS (January 21st-February 18th): You’ve been working very hard lately and you want more. Then you decide to drop the r’ and just get some moe. This veteran of the jamband scene is always a reliable source to take you on a psychedelic musical journey that invigorates your very soul. After moe., you decide to hustle some phatty glass in the lot as your hard work continues on into the foreseeable future.

PISCES (February 19th-March 20th): Try to be more succinct when speaking to friends and loved ones. You are talking a twenty five minute Dark Star jam when all they really want is a quick Me and My Uncle discussion. See bands with short names this month to help get you started. Start with Raq because they just wail.

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