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A Survival Guide to moe.down

moe.down is a rockin’ annual family reunion thrown by the fine people in the moe. organization every Labor Day weekend. In this, the 11th year of the festival, here are some helpful hints (peppered with colorful observations) for those seeking an upper-hand on conquering the festival.

moe. threw a real wrench in the works this year by changing the venue of moe.down. My crew had our trek to Snow Ridge down to an exact science. We’d been in the same spot for years and knew what we’d be getting out of that location. This year, our biggest concern is making sure we are located wherever Wooksbekistan is NOT. In an ideal world, Wooksbekistan would be gone altogether— regentrified, if you will. Replaced with townhouses and tea rooms. Ahh, if only! According to the map released this weekend, there seem to be two sides to the camping: family camping, and “the not so quiet side” camping. Has the location of Wooksbekistan now been officially designated? We are reconsidering that electrified Bear Fence for the perimeter just in case.

4 SEASONS

Pack for all 4 seasons. moe.down takes place at the butt-crack of Autumn in the foothills of the Adirondacks. moe.downers have dealt with every single season’s worth of weather, sometimes all of them in 24 hours. This includes but is not limited to: practically freezing temps with morning frost, unbearable heat, dust storms, and even a hurricane. For optimal versatility & enjoyment, bring your: shorts, jeans, cargos, tank tops, t shirts, long sleeves, hoodies, ponchos, winter jacket, winter hat, gloves, hand-warmers, sunblock, sandals, sneakers, hiking boots, rain boots, smartwool socks, straw hat, helmet… I could go on. Yes, all of it. Throw ALL OF THAT SHIT in your car, dude. You will be so freakin’ happy when you are prepared for whatever random weather pattern strikes the .down this year. SINKHOLES?

WHEELS

While you’re at it, bring a wagon/cart. No time to explain- you’ll see!

NEVER PACK WHILE DRUNK (ETC.)

Never pack while drunk (etc.), unless you’re strictly abiding by a list that you made while you were stone cold sober. Otherwise you may find yourself in your friend’s driveway at 6am, hungover, without your: ticket, sleeping bag, or jacket… and then it snows on Saturday.

TEAMWORK!

Teamwork gets an exclamation point, because it’s totes important. It’s a lot of hard work to haul & set up your ‘hood. It’s much easier with friends, wheels, and ideally- a combination of the two.

THEY TOOK HIS JAM, MAN

The rental security at Snow Ridge felt the need to confiscate/turn away all types of glass (not just beer bottles) upon entry to the campsite last year. My salsa was DENIED and they took Hern’s jam, man. Totes lame, brah. According to this year’s moe.down info page is also: NO GLASS CONTAINERS.

SUNBLOCK BEFORE SETUP!

It’s a painful and unfortunate to have horribly sunburned purple shoulders for the duration of moe.down (and it’s REALLY hard to sleep) and the weeks after it. Unless it’s raining, do yourself a favor and slather on a coating of sunblock before you begin to haul your shit and set up your site.

DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. BLVD

Location, location, location. Chris Rock has a bit about what to do if you’re ever lost on Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd.- it doesn’t matter what city you’re in— you should RUN! We can easily adapt this to moe.down. If you’re ever lost in Wooksbekistan, it doesn’t matter what festival you’re at— you should RUN. Same idea with a circus tent- but if you see a circus tent: STOP, and carefully walk backwards from whence you came… slowly… very slowly. Never turn your back on a wook!

CUIDADO!

Caution & florescent demarcation tape sold at most hardware stores is a handy-dandy way to prevent people from walking into your ropes/tarps/stakes, etc.. Just tie little bits onto your various structural support systems and you’ll be happy you did come nighttime. It’s pretty inexpensive and incredibly effective.

PACE YOURSELF

It’s a marathon, moe.rons, not a sprint. Pace yourselves. Drink water & eat (food) daily. The nap is your friend. Sometimes a well-placed nap is all you need to get through the entire weekend. I am a big fan of the Friday afternoon, post-setup/pre-music nap. It helps me make it through Friday night and provides the push needed to make it all the way through to Monday morning. Advil also helps.

FEEL FREE TO KEEP CLEAN

There are water faucets located throughout the campground, which makes self-preservation easy. Maybe soap & water aren’t your thing? Baby-wipes also come in handy. Lest this message be garbled in any way: hygiene is encouraged!

PERIPHERAL NOISE

Some people bring their ipod docks or full-blown PA systems to blast the campgrounds and/or their own sites. While a soundtrack can sometimes motivate and encourage the set-up of your campsite, please note that techno, ( like this gem ) will probably just annoy your neighbors. There will inevitably be some jerkwad who is playing moe., despite the fact that you are setting up for moe.down— 3 days of live moe.. And at some point, that neighbor might put Plane Crash on repeat for 2 hours before the actual festival music starts. That guy sucks.

MAKE NICE

Pleasant neighbors make for a pleasant moe.down experience. It’s a fact! Respect one another!

ALWAYS RECYCLE: DO IT FOR AL

Always recycle, because you should. But if for no other reason, do it for Al. It keeps him “on the level”. People who don’t recycle^ make Al really angry. Have you ever seen Al angry? You know that vein in his forehead that starts pulsating when he’s really rocking the fuck out? When he’s angry, that thing explodes in a horrible fireball of razor sharp glitter and rabid unicorns that shit fire. Okay, so it does sound really cool- but believe me, it stings a LOT and smells like rotting eggs. You don’t want any part of it. So fucking remember to recycle, okay? Do it for Al.

^ And also people who don’t take one piece of trash out of the concert site when the show is done— so please do that too.

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Comments

There are 34 comments associated with this post

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the guy above me eats paint chips August 30, 2011, 15:19:36

that’s a funny article, good job!

Wookified Nappyhead September 1, 2010, 10:33:01

Dude, it’s Turkwookistan not Wookbekistan!

mc'moe.lovin September 1, 2010, 11:44:24

nice article,bra…..funny informative and enjoyable

brian September 1, 2010, 12:10:29

Good article, the whole “glass bottles” thing has been a staple at every festival I have been too for 10 years.. They will take it!!!!

hern September 1, 2010, 13:34:37

know your buzz, folks!

bun September 1, 2010, 13:48:16

vote 4 rex, mayor of moe.down

Rex September 1, 2010, 13:56:58

Vote Rex for mayor of moe.down 2010!

T.McClure September 1, 2010, 14:25:21

Love it. Especially the part about people with stupid Props! KYS prop-people-no one needs to see your tired shit on a pole. Save the Pole for Rancid’s mom.

Loo September 1, 2010, 15:26:49

Vote for Captain Creepy for mayor of moe.ville!!!!!!!!!! (he’s watching)

creepylove September 1, 2010, 15:30:21

captain creepy is effing insane. a god among men. when he tries to touch you, remember: he’s as scared of you as you are of him.

Philly_Funk September 1, 2010, 15:32:24

I heard about this Captain Creep dude. With a name like that, he has my vote

Loo September 1, 2010, 15:36:28

creep.down

SoFl_freak September 1, 2010, 15:50:22

I want to be touched by Captain Creepy! I have a thing for men in small shorts and captain’s hats.

gator1 September 1, 2010, 15:52:14

Capt’n Creepers!! he’s got my vote.

No Frills footwear September 1, 2010, 16:46:47

free-floating moe.staches….
watch out for that creep dude.
he follows them.

al September 1, 2010, 17:10:13

this is the most awesome pre-fest article (esp. about moe.down)!

mike September 1, 2010, 17:28:40

i’ve never had trouble sleeping at moe.down, and always camp in turkwookistan. but the whole bit about setting your body to the cleaning of the portopotties is on point. always wake up right when they are cleaned, makes for easy festi pooping!

Rob Derhak September 1, 2010, 17:50:32

Please don’t throw glowsticks at me. Thanks in advance.

Chuck Garvey September 1, 2010, 17:51:06

Yes. Leave the glowsticks at home.

Rob Derhak & Chuck Garvey September 1, 2010, 17:56:56

WE COMMAND YOU TO LEAVE THE GLOWSTICKS HOME!

nate September 1, 2010, 17:58:56

good stuff!

Raz September 1, 2010, 18:02:42

Clearly this whole article is written for the n00bs. Being an obvious veteran of moe.down, I find this article to be somewhat useless. The real question is where can I find massages with happy endings?

lynnguppy September 1, 2010, 19:26:15

Raz- ask your mom.

lynnguppy's mom September 1, 2010, 20:02:12

Lynn, i taught you better than that. Raz, come see me. I’ll hook you up!

rancid's mom September 1, 2010, 20:31:52

raz, i’ll be to the side of the buzz stage… 143245

rancids mom September 1, 2010, 20:32:44

Save some strength for me Raz

Cousin Dave September 1, 2010, 20:32:47

Aw man love it

Cousin Dave September 1, 2010, 20:33:07

Aw man love it

Cousin Dave September 1, 2010, 20:34:54

aw cousin dave is drunk agin and doesn’t know how to use the internets. dammit

Beaser September 1, 2010, 21:15:14

this article reminded me of all the good things (and not so good, but memorable things) that make moe.down fun as shit! Makes me really want to just go this weekend..

spwal September 2, 2010, 03:57:24

woooo hooo! nice write up! (~);}

Will September 2, 2010, 07:52:51

A quick addition about this year’s venue, Gelston Castle… I went to see Furthur there in July and for theat one-day, one-band show, we were stuck in traffic for over 2 1/2 hours and missed part of the set. All traffic is routed to one entrance and it was a nitemare. I would expect the traffic to be Big Cypress-like for a large festival like this.

thisarticlesucks September 2, 2010, 14:27:28

a couple things 1) this article was for n00bs and didnt do anything more than highlight the inside jokes of elitist douchebag moe fans. moe. fans like their cliques, and we have to hear about this chick’s? fuck that 2) why not discuss WHY they moved? no one does this. 3) It’s Turkwookistan not Wookbekistan! this is quite possible the biggest fail of all time on this website. 4) circus tent = we are all dry as fuck under there. your advise to walk away is stupid. seriously, have you been to what, 2 moe.downs? kinda sad jambands can do much better than this shit.

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