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Published: 2013/04/01

Father John Misty Elected Pope

Following a surprise recall election on Easter Sunday, Father John Misty has been named Pope by a Conclave of Cardinals in Vatican City. The former Fleet Foxes drummer and current solo artist was chosen by the necessary two-thirds supermajority of Cardinals today after a long, heated debate over the future of the Church that many observers claim pitted the old against the new. “Father John Misty was a bold, but wise choice on the part of the Vatican’s leaders,” said Papal expert Professor Antonio Luciani, “While some may have preferred to put a more experienced person in charge of a centuries-old institution, Father John Misty will provide valuable hipster cred.” Other scholars have hailed the title of his new album Fear Fun as the quintessence of Cathloicism, while colleagues cite such songs as “Funtimes in Babylon” and “Tee Pees 1-12” as “true cautionary tales.”

As of press time, Father John Misty had not yet announced which name he will take upon assuming the Papacy, reportedly uncertain if Pope Foxy over-emphasizes his early career.

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